1. Your kids act like you are coating them with fire when you try to apply sunscreen.
2. Your kids’ favorite activity when it is 100° outside is leaving the back door open.
3. You thought you would be a cool parent and let your kids pick out snacks on this road trip and now you’ve been standing in the gas station for 25 minutes.
4. All of your time at the pool is spent “watching this” and adjusting goggles.
5. Your daughter just asked if that kid that you can’t stand can spend the night.
6. You brought a chair down to the beach with you but you have a toddler so that was pointless.
7. Is that a back to school ad in the mail on July 2nd?!?!
8. 22 seconds into swimming your daughter needs to go to the bathroom even though you asked her before you got in.
9. Now you have to get a wet bathing suit off and then back on in the restroom.
10. Swim diapers (holy gross).
11. Even though they came from the same package, your kids have resorted to fighting over whose Pop Tart is biggest.
12. No matter how long they stay up past their bed time, they never sleep in.
13. You thought it would be fun to buy one of those variety packs of small cereal boxes for your children but what you really bought was a 6 pack of fights.
14. You had a dream last night about the school bus.
15. It’s called summer break because that is what your kids will do to everything in your house until school starts back.
22 Comments | tags: Beach, family, funny, humor, parenthood, parenting, pool, school, Snacks, summer, trips, vacation | posted in Uncategorized
Sorry, this was kind of a jerk move. My bad.
6 Comments | tags: Beach, bragger, jerk, no one likes this, vacation | posted in Uncategorized
If you don’t recognize this from Spaceballs, I am questioning the entire foundation of our relationship.
Ever have a day that you feel like you hit your own personal turbo boost? Your reflexes are faster, your attention is more focused, your productivity can’t be stopped? Like that 10 minutes after your first cup of coffee when everything shifts into perfect focus only lasting for 12 hours?
Monday I returned back to the office after a week of vacation. Sweet glorious sunburned nose and umbrella drink vacation. I walked into my office and through the dark I saw that little flashing red light blinking from my phone. It was welcoming me back with the notification that I had eleventy billion messages.
If I were Stallone in the movie “Over the Top” this would have been the part where I turned my mesh trucker hat backwards and got down to business. I was a sight to behold. Luckily no one really saw it because that is the kind of productivity that can set expectations way too high. I plowed through phone calls and emails scheduling meetings and solving problems. I didn’t get up to pee, I didn’t eat lunch. For a solid 9 hours I was a machine. I not only got my personal wheels of commerce moving again, I gave the squeaky points a shot of oil and got them running better than they were before.
I knew it wasn’t going to be fun, but I knew I had to do it and when the day came to a close I was pleased with the fruits of my labor. I think we all have days like that where we get into a groove and can’t be stopped. The satisfaction from a day like that sometimes makes me question why I don’t do it every day, but then I remember how much I love the internet and wasting time and how I never shy away from setting a bar too low in order to make my leaps over it more astounding.
If we could, we would put that kind of day in a bottle so we could use it whenever we needed to. Some people do it every day and I commend them, but for me it doesn’t come around quite as often. That was my Monday and it was totally sweet.
If Monday was a high-octane turbo adventure, Tuesday was cruising down a hill with your foot off the gas. Perhaps I wore myself out or misplaced my mojo but Tuesday started something like this: Made it to the gym first thing in the morning. Broke a sweat untangling my earbuds. Hit the showers. Bought a $6 smoothie. Buckle up world, I am on fire.
I hope I am not the only one that has these kind of days on occasion. Where there just seems to be a light haze over everything and even going through the motions seems to require more effort than you are willing to part with. You get the work done that has to be done but those little nuggets of productivity in the day seem to fizzle fast. You read some blogs or stuff on the internet, look at boat trader for what seems like forever, catch up on some words with friends turns and before you know it, it is already 9:15. What? How can it only be 9:15? I feel like I have already wasted the entire day.
If you were born with a special gift and talent for coasting like I was, you don’t have to dig too deep to maintain your low effort prowess for the rest of the day. As new tasks arise, you calmly push them aside because you are still full from the big bowl of lazy you had for breakfast. Eventually the day begins to come to a close and you smile at your accomplishment of basically keeping a seat warm and laughing at some potentially questionable internet humor.
The end of a day like that gives you a whole different feeling. I would tell you what it is but I was way too lazy to remember it. It is something like a very relaxed dusting of remorse sprinkled over empty. I take solace in the fact that the coast days are not the norm and the high level assessment of my work ethic and productivity is pretty solid. That being said, I think we all have those days that just seem to drift by with little or no contribution from ourselves. Everyone likes to be a smidge lazy, but when you realize you coasted the whole time it is pretty weak.
45 Comments | tags: business, energy, humor, internet, lazy, productivity, Random, turbo, vacation, work | posted in Uncategorized
Life has a funny way of getting the timing just perfect sometimes. I have not been writing as often and while most of that has been a result of a full plate at work, some of it was just a case of the blahs. I haven’t been sure what to write and maybe just needed a break.
Last week I got just that. After an amazing and relaxing week with friends and family I am feeling recharged. Vacations are definitely sweet. To make it even better, I got a pretty sweet surprise when I discovered that this blog was freshly pressed. I thought the timing of that was pretty cool and encouraging so thanks WP people. I wasn’t as responsive as I would liked to have been to all the new readers and will catch up very soon. Thanks so much for wasting a click to stop by and read. I truly appreciate the kind words and visits here.
I think I finally have all of the sand washed out of my business and I am enjoying the last few hours of my vacation before waking up and being a grown up in the morning.
I so appreciate all of you reading. I am blessed with the opportunity to recharge my batteries and I am looking forward to some good (well maybe not good but I will at least shoot for readable) Sweet and Weaks to come.
Enjoy the rest of your Sunday and resist the urge to burn down your workplace or call in sick.
Not a bad picture with an iPhone eh? That was the sunset on our last night.
45 Comments | tags: Blog, family, photography, travel, vacation | posted in Uncategorized
Leftovers for Breakfast. FTW!
Dear cold Soy saucy broccoli, how I love thee first thing in the morning eating you standing up in front of an open refrigerator without any pants on. You know, in immediate retrospect, I think that the no pants thing might have been taking it a bit too far. That being said, when I am concerned that my words haven’t quite hit the comedic tone I was seeking, I find adding something about no pants to the end never hurts.
I don’t want this post to take anything away from traditional breakfast foods and as a southerner, I hold things like biscuits and grits close to my heart. While an organized planned out breakfast is a thing of beauty, there are few things that this world has to offer sweeter than eating cold leftovers for breakfast standing in front of the refrigerator. I guess you could go to the trouble of putting that pizza on a plate and sitting at the table but it is 7:30 in the morning, what am I some kind of weirdo? When you eat it standing in front of the fridge it is kinda like it didn’t really count.
Last week we had some people over for dinner and my neighbor was kind enough to leave the spinach dip she made. I thought about texting her first thing the next morning to tell her she had already made my day but didn’t want to sound like some kind of freak. That cold spinach dip was the best thing I had eaten for breakfast in a long time. Let it be known that she left crackers as well and I didn’t just eat dip with a spoon like some kind of animal. Cold Spinach dip was a nice start to a non-traditional breakfast weekend. Sunday morning brought along another favorite but rarer treat. The candy breakfast. For the most part on Easter and Christmas morning I can trust that the first food I am eating is chocolate. Pretty awesome to proudly have peanut butter cups for breakfast with no fear of being judged, heck, you can even post a picture of your half eaten bunny on the internet and people will think you are some kind of hero. To be honest though, there is one minor drawback to your breakfast coming wrapped in tiny pieces of foil. It pretty much insures your metabolism and energy level for the day will be akin to a bottle rocket. Lots of blast and fury out of the gate but just doesn’t quite last long enough to get the job done. I couldn’t do it every day but twice a year candy breakfast is pretty sweet.
lobster pager (weak)
I love restaurants. I worked in them for years and the whole idea of having servants to cook, clean, and bring me things for me for about an hour has a certain appeal. Lately though, I have been rethinking my approach. You see we have a little one that is at that adorable age that she has decided she is too big for a high chair but she is still very capable of needing stitches at any minute.
We were at the beach last week for some spring break fun and as many do, we washed the sand out of our nooks and crannies and headed out to become slaves to a little pager thing that beeps and lights up to tell us it is our turn at the trough. For the most part, everything was great but every now and then a dining experience steadily spirals out of control and sucks the joy out of a night quicker than a Cajun with a crawfish. We had one of those experiences last week. Having been there myself, I have an incredible amount of empathy for the restaurant business but sometimes you have to take a stand. It is probably one of the weakest of the weak but last week I had to pull out the big guns and do something that no one wants to do. I asked to talk to a manager. Pretty weak.
19 Comments | tags: children, easter, family, food, humor, lobster, ocean, parenting, Random, restaurants, travel, vacation | posted in Uncategorized
100 % More Country Stats
About a month ago WordPress launched a new blog statistics page that shows the country that the click to view your blog originated. If I am representative of many new bloggers, we begin writing because we have a creative side that needs to get out or have something funny or interesting to say and keyboards rarely interrupt or doze off in the middle of our diatribe. Then in some mysterious way we kind of get sucked in to who is reading our stuff and even resort to surfing around other blogs leaving lame comments in hopes that they will return the favor. Honestly I have only heard of that method of generating new readers. I have never tried it myself.
I will be the first to admit though, that knowing people are reading your blog or even winding up there on accident because they Googled the word squatchy is pretty sweet. For a certain period of time we get sucked into the statistics page and even neglect things we once held so dear like Facebook to see if anyone new has stopped by to read our nonsense. I think it is a phase that we bloggers mature out of and realize that the reason we started a blog wasn’t to win a Shorty award or turn our blog into a NY Times bestseller. We hold onto the dream of one day being Freshly Pressed but for the most part go back to our roots and write because we have things to say, not because we want to pump up our stat bar.
That was me, a happy maturing blogger that had gotten over my stats obsession and had shifted focus to writing what I wanted to write and enjoying the community of readers and fellow writers out that make the blogging process so rewarding.
There timing was impeccable. Just as I had situated myself on the high road and stopped measuring my self -worth with my blog stats, WordPress showed me a page full of awesome little flag icons that tell me all of the places in the world my blog has popped up on a screen. Just like that, I am sucked right back in. I don’t have a huge map in my office that I put thumbtacks in every time I see a new country or anything, but based on the stats page this blog has been either viewed or accidentally stumbled upon in 57 different countries since the new feature started. It probably seems silly to most people but if I see that 4 or more people in Paraguay clicked on my blog I decide it wasn’t an accident and I think it is pretty sweet.
This may be the closest I ever get to a glamorous life of international travel and I am OK with that. So if you are reading this today or randomly landed here after Googling “ideas to disguise a TV remote” (true story) Where ya from?
What Happened to “Here’s your Receipt, Have a Nice Day.”
Have you bought anything lately? I am not sure exactly when it happened but it now seems like every transaction concludes with me getting a to do list. I just gave you money. When did that become not enough? Here is the thing, I don’t want to be entered in your sweepstakes. I don’t have time to go home and spend two hours filling our surveys for every store I walked into at the mall today. I am not going to go to this website and make sure I rate your service excellent just because you told me to. I have stuff to do like spend 30 minutes thinking up back stories to who is reading my blog in Morocco.
Is it too much to ask to go back to the way things were? Are people doing this? Are people actually winning a $1000 gift certificate to Lens Crafters? If I call the cable company because my favorite show Happy Endings isn’t coming in clear do I get to talk to a real person faster if I agree to the short 5 minute survey at the conclusion of this call? I get it, in today’s world of business buzzwords, every single breath we take needs to be measured and the results quantified. Somehow, some out of touch with reality power point slide has trickled all the way down to me standing in Sears pretending to listen to your spiel waiting for you to let me go so we can finally do something fun and get free samples in the food court. If my opinion is really that valuable to you can’t you just install one of those Facebook “like” buttons next to your cash register? I would happily take a second of my time to high-five a blue glowing thumbs up button if I knew I wouldn’t have to take home a four foot long receipt with different sections circled and your name scrawled across the bottom in a plea for me to rate you excellent.
If you work in retail you probably hate this more that I do and I truly empathize with you. Getting a sales pitch, a guilt trip, a chore list, and a pocket full of paper when all I wanted to do was buy socks is totally weak.
19 Comments | tags: blogging, business, does anyone read these, fashion, food, humor, ny times bestseller, Random, shopping, statistics, travel, vacation, writing | posted in Uncategorized