Advertisements

Tag Archives: lazy

Minimal Effort

Sweet and Weak

Knock Knock

I have read a lot of blogs lately discussing things being slower during the summer.  Less to write about, busier schedule, taking a break etc.  I am not sure if all of those apply to my but I have definitely been posting less often lately.  I have still been writing, just with a lot fewer words and a lot less effort.  Mostly what I have been writing are jokes or punch lines that still need some detail added to them to get the full effect.  Last week Sweet Mother dedicated the week to jokes on her blog.  She posts everyday and is kind of blogging all-star so I have no qualms about shamelessly stealing her idea.  Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery right?

I am working through a real blog post in my head and will write that soon but in the meantime, here is a handful of what my brain has leaked out over the last few days.  I am removing the usual wholesome filter that I write with and just posting these as is.  (My apologies in advance)

My written vocabulary would be better but my spelling is so bad I usually just choose a synanym, sinonim? synonyme? I usually just choose another word.

Just handed out a bunch of “Life is Good” shirts to the homeless. I like my philanthropy with a twist of irony.

Yesterday, I accidentally searched for something on yahoo. It was like putting on an old sweater and realizing it was ugly and doesn’t fit anymore. 

“Don’t worry guys, everything’s going to be OK, she’s dropping a stick and a leaf in here.” -said no lightning bug in a jar ever.

All I’m saying is, if they want the jumbotron to be family friendly, they shouldn’t have put the Kiss Cam on me while I had a funnel cake. 

Argentina’s bikinis and USA’s turtlenecks in beach volleyball may be shedding some light on the anti-America sentiment I have heard about. 

Based on how flawlessly I just put the baby in her crib and snuck out of the room, my ninja uniform is probably in the mail. 

I Called McDonald’s to see if they had a lost and found today. How would you describe dignity? 

My daughter just climbed up on the coffee table and tore her diaper off. Does this mean we have to change her name to Cinnamon?

Hand sanitizer dries fast but not near fast enough when you spill a big drop on your crotch right before walking into a meeting. 

Hey people really good at Excel, what is that one formula that populates the past 3 weeks of work I didn’t do into these cells? 

I don’t know if he was a Sommelier but the clerk at the 7-11 suggested pairing this Boone’s Farm with my loneliness and ineptitude.

I don’t litter unless there are inmates picking up trash on the side of the road. Then I just toss out a bottle as I drive by and yell “missed a spot”

I generally think Golden Coral is gross but if they ever add toaster strudels to the buffet, I will probably go ahead and have my mail forwarded there. 

I just mixed two different Axe body sprays and grew an Ed Hardy T-shirt and a faux hawk. 

I like how at IKEA the paper ruler and golf pencil are free. Especially since the marriage counseling will be so expensive. 

I realized I’m just not cut out for Facebook after saying Happy Birthday Karen to that girl named Sharon for the 3rd year in a row. 

I think it’s neat that people my parent’s age suggest talking to the pharmacist like the Internet doesn’t even exist.

I was feeling used but after therapy it is more like certified pre-owned.

This morning, the only soap in the shower was apricot melon body scrub. I think I just synced cycles with the wife. 

Jokes can be hit or miss so if these were completely weak, I will try to do better, if you thought they were sweet, thanks for not un-following my blog.

Advertisements

If Only It Could Be Bottled Up

Sweet

Turbo 

If you don’t recognize this from Spaceballs, I am questioning the entire foundation of our relationship.

Ever have a day that you feel like you hit your own personal turbo boost?  Your reflexes are faster, your attention is more focused, your productivity can’t be stopped?  Like that 10 minutes after your first cup of coffee when everything shifts into perfect focus only lasting for 12 hours?

Monday I returned back to the office after a week of vacation.  Sweet glorious sunburned nose and umbrella drink vacation.  I walked into my office and through the dark I saw that little flashing red light blinking from my phone.  It was welcoming me back with the notification that I had eleventy billion messages.

If I were Stallone in the movie “Over the Top” this would have been the part where I turned my mesh trucker hat backwards and got down to business. I was a sight to behold.  Luckily no one really saw it because that is the kind of productivity that can set expectations way too high.  I plowed through phone calls and emails scheduling meetings and solving problems.  I didn’t get up to pee, I didn’t eat lunch. For a solid 9 hours I was a machine.  I not only got my personal wheels of commerce moving again, I gave the squeaky points a shot of oil and got them running better than they were before.

I knew it wasn’t going to be fun, but I knew I had to do it and when the day came to a close I was pleased with the fruits of my labor.  I think we all have days like that where we get into a groove and can’t be stopped.  The satisfaction from a day like that sometimes makes me question why I don’t do it every day, but then I remember how much I love the internet and wasting time and how I never shy away from setting a bar too low in order to make my leaps over it more astounding.

If we could, we would put that kind of day in a bottle so we could use it whenever we needed to.  Some people do it every day and I commend them, but for me it doesn’t come around quite as often.  That was my Monday and it was totally sweet.

 

Weak

Coasting 

If Monday was a high-octane turbo adventure, Tuesday was cruising down a hill with your foot off the gas.  Perhaps I wore myself out or misplaced my mojo but Tuesday started something like this:  Made it to the gym first thing in the morning.  Broke a sweat untangling my earbuds.  Hit the showers.  Bought a $6 smoothie.  Buckle up world, I am on fire.

I hope I am not the only one that has these kind of days on occasion.  Where there just seems to be a light haze over everything and even going through the motions seems to require more effort than you are willing to part with.  You get the work done that has to be done but those little nuggets of productivity in the day seem to fizzle fast.  You read some blogs or stuff on the internet, look at boat trader for what seems like forever, catch up on some words with friends turns and before you know it, it is already 9:15.  What?  How can it only be 9:15?  I feel like I have already wasted the entire day.

If you were born with a special gift and talent for coasting like I was, you don’t have to dig too deep to maintain your low effort prowess for the rest of the day.  As new tasks arise, you calmly push them aside because you are still full from the big bowl of lazy you had for breakfast.  Eventually the day begins to come to a close and you smile at your accomplishment of basically keeping a seat warm and laughing at some potentially questionable internet humor.

The end of a day like that gives you a whole different feeling.  I would tell you what it is but I was way too lazy to remember it.  It is something like a very relaxed dusting of remorse sprinkled over empty. I take solace in the fact that the coast days are not the norm and the high level assessment of my work ethic and productivity is pretty solid.  That being said, I think we all have those days that just seem to drift by with little or no contribution from ourselves.  Everyone likes to be a smidge lazy, but when you realize you coasted the whole time it is pretty weak.


Is it super lazy to Reblog something you wrote months ago? Well if the shoe fits I guess I will wear it. I like the idea of having interesting funny insight to write about on a fairly steady schedule but (insert excuse here).  I woke up this morning at 3:12 thinking it was time to start the day.  It reminded me of this.  It was one of the first blogs I posted.  Also I have never pushed that reblog button and my Y chromosome will only let me ignore a button for so long.

Simon C. Holland

Sweet

Waking up before the alarm 

I am not talking about 10 minutes before the alarm goes off, everyone hates that.  That is like being robbed of your last ten minutes of sleep which are usually the best.  It is that part of the dream where you find the pot of gold or save the day and the distressed damsel.  What is totally sweet is when you wake up feeling like you have slept all night and it is time to start the day and you look at the clock and it is 2:42.  SWEET!!  That is almost like getting two nights sleep for the price of one.  Inevitably you will wake up late from your “second night” and not feel near as refreshed as you did at 2:42 but that is a small price to pay for that moment when you flip to the cool side of the pillow…

View original post 435 more words


%d bloggers like this: