Monthly Archives: September 2011

September 13, 2011

5 more minutes….

By Simon

Sweet

Waking up before the alarm 

I am not talking about 10 minutes before the alarm goes off, everyone hates that.  That is like being robbed of your last ten minutes of sleep which are usually the best.  It is that part of the dream where you find the pot of gold or save the day and the distressed damsel.  What is totally sweet is when you wake up feeling like you have slept all night and it is time to start the day and you look at the clock and it is 2:42.  SWEET!!  That is almost like getting two nights sleep for the price of one.  Inevitably you will wake up late from your “second night” and not feel near as refreshed as you did at 2:42 but that is a small price to pay for that moment when you flip to the cool side of the pillow and bask in your not having to get upness.  There are a lot of good parts to life and sleep ranks right up there with air conditioning and microwave popcorn but bonus sleep should be a first ballot inductee into the Sweetness Hall of Fame.  (Yeah yeah, I get that it isn’t actually extra sleep but perception is reality.)

 

Weak

Holy Medium Soft Drink! 

So I hit the drive through at Wendy’s today because I have had a fairly steady love affair with the jr. bacon cheeseburger that dates back to sometime in the early 90’s.  While I am trying to eat more healthy with the grilled chicken and a side salad I can’t resist the JBC so I got it as an add on.  Fat guys know what I am talking about, the “add on” is getting the combo and then adding on something from the value menu.   In some circles the vernacular for the “add on” is “the road burger”, or “frypetizer” because you want some greasy deliciousness now and while eating fries in the car is one of life’s great joys, no one likes sitting down to lunch and realizing 67% of your fries didn’t survive the ride home.  I digress.  Anyway, as I ordered my combo the voice in the little box asked me if I wanted medium or large.  I guess “small” has gone the way of Pluto to never be seen or heard from again.  I responded with medium because that seemed like the sensible choice.  That is until it took two people lifting with their legs to hand this gargantuan beverage through the window.  How is a drink that is roughly the size of a roll of paper towels considered medium?  It is a good thing that I didn’t order a large because I didn’t opt up for the towing package in the old sedan.   This occurence wouldn’t be weak until I realized that medium is now an up-charge and the old medium is now the small.  Now for some knowledge dropping: if you are privy to the inner circles of fast food then you also know that the old small is now called the “value size” drink.  By way of a coy marketing technique I was taken to the cleaners for 39 cents.  We can probably all point our fingers at Starbucks for starting this trend with their tall, grande, venti lineup but regardless of who fired the first shot it is time we join together and take a stand.  Order the small next time, you will be surprised at how medium it is.

 

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September 9, 2011

New Gum

By Simon

Pretty Sweet

New Gum

Man, I love getting a new pack of gum
(wife rolling her eyes right now on the off-chance she reads this thing).  Seriously the scientists at the gum factory are really bringing their A-game lately.  Crazy citrus infused polar ice peppermint kind of stuff and I am a big fan.  I am not talking about the new gum flavors that are supposed to taste like cake though.  If I wanted that, I would go find Mr. Wonka and risk turning into a blueberry.  Gone are the days of the boring old plen-T-pack, these days gum’s packaging is so hip you don’t even want to put it in your pocket, you want to walk around carrying it or hang it around your neck so people know that you are a baller that just dropped $3 on a pack of futuristic space mint.  For me, my love of gum started with my grandmother who would tear a piece of peppermint Freedent in half and share it with me when I was a little guy.  I can remember one time when I snuck a whole piece out of her purse so I could “double the pleasure.”  Gum is one of life’s little treats and having a new pack makes me smile.  In that vein, another thing that is super clutch is the friend who always has gum.  That friend is like a white kid from Duke at the free throw line.  Automatic.  So to you fellow gum chewers out there, thanks for sharing and yes; I am impressed with your pack of Siberian frost with flavor crystals wrapped in shiny colored foil and nestled in its metal case.  Oh, one last thing that any post about gum would be incomplete without mentioning……. Fruit Stripes.  Fourteen seconds of awesome right there.

Weak

Every other Groupon

We all like to save a little money and the whole Groupon concept is pretty cool.  I have bought a couple for places like Gap and Old Navy and currently have a $40 Groupon for a Butcher’s shop that I bought for $20 burning a hole in my iphone app.  But let’s be honest, are that many people really getting laser hair removal and day spa services?  Every other Groupon besides the 3 or 4 that I have used are total junk.  I get that as a 30 something male I am probably not the target demographic for this kind of stuff but how about peppering the sea of microdermabrasion and yoga coupons with a few things that I want.  C’mon Groupon, bring the good stuff, and why you’re at it, butch it up a bit.  I am thinking $10 for $20 worth of ninja stars or something.  That would be sweet.

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September 8, 2011

That one song

By Simon

Sweet

That one song 

You know what I am talking about.  That one song that no matter what you are in the middle of it makes you wish you were driving down the road with the windows down and the volume up?  For me it is Dixie Land Delight by the country group Alabama.  I am not much of a country music fan but every time I hear this song I want to take off my shoes, drag my couch onto the lawn and drink every beer in the house.  Maybe you have a more subdued reaction and I will admit that while the mood has struck me, the furniture has always stayed in its place.  What is your feel good song?

Weak 

Sock seams 

I will start with the fact that I am not a big fan of socks in general.  I think that I have only worn them 5 times in the last 5 months.  Living in the glorious south has its privileges.  There are, however, times that you can’t get around  them, especially with cooler weather around the corner.  I have managed to mitigate poor sock craftsmanship for the most part and have found the brands that do the job.  My 5-year-old daughter?  Not so much.  She takes after me in that she has a general disdain for socks but her battles with that little seam at the end of the sock are epic.  I am talking room full of tossed aside socks, tears rolling down cheeks, can’t get right kind of struggles.  I am only now wondering why we continue to take those discarded devices of foot torture and put them back in the drawer.  It is like leaving yourself a special surprise treat that you will discover one day down the road when you are already 10 minutes late and haven’t even left the house.  My daughter takes a very deliberate approach to positioning her sock just right so no part of the seam spends the rest of the day mocking her by tickling her pinky toe.  We have found some that are better and some that are worse but for her it always seems to be a game-time decision.   I guess in the same way that the little unexpected joys are often the most appreciated, it is sometimes the pet peeves that do the exact opposite.

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September 6, 2011

The Snuggle Sandwich

By Simon

Totally Sweet:

Snuggling with your fam

Snuggle sandwiches.  Yesterday was a rainy Sunday and in my house that means you crack a window and try to catch a short nap while listening to the rain drops.  I had just put the baby down and saw my wife and daughter in our bed. I laid down next to my daughter and my wife and I each gave her a good long hug.  That is until a squeaky voice from the middle piped up and said “Hey breads! This bologna is getting smushed!”  How great is that?  Every family has their fun silly moments, the ones that will be remembered years down the road during serious or sad times that the mood needs to be lifted and smiles need to sneak their way into rooms that they weren’t invited.  I am keeping that one tucked away for just one of those times when one of them need it I will look at my wife or daughter and remind them of snuggle sandwiches and smushed Bologna.

Really Weak:
Urinal Talkers
I don’t know if the women’s room has stall talkers but in the men’s room there is a certain segment of the population that deems that moment in front of the urinal as their daily social mixer.  I love friendly exchanges and greetings and asking how someone’s day is going but for this brief moment, I am kind of busy.  I need to focus just a little bit and sometimes I feel weird talking to you with my hands…..er full.  Lets all just agree right now that the sink is the place to exchange your daily greeting and get your friendliness on.  I am not trying to be rude just focusing on the task at hand.  Deal?  Deal.  Let’s also stop pretending that the person on the other end of your cell phone doesn’t know exactly what is going on.  Seriously?!? do you want to risk having the potential sounds that go on in that room providing the background music to your telephone call?  You know who you are, guy in the stall taking care of business in more ways than one.

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September 6, 2011

Vessels of Delicious

By Simon
Totally Sweet:
Food used as dishes.
I am talking delicious broccoli cheese soup in a bread bowl and fruit salad in a watermelon viking ship.  Nothing says a cleaned plate like no more plate at all.  Is there anything better than breaking off pieces of that taco salad tortilla bowl soaked in the residual awesomeness that has trickled to the base of your edible dish and infused its flavors into your once bland taco vessel?  The ice cream cone is probably the king of edible dishes and for good reason.  Sometimes I would rather scrape the towering two scoops off into a trash can and avoid the whole liking ice cream off of my elbows as it melts to enjoy the crunchy goodness of the cone.  But alas, the cone only reaches it’s apex of cuisine once the ice cream has had the time to settle and fill every nook and cranny. Food as a dish makes me happy.  Red bell peppers full of veggie dip, halved oranges full of sweet potato souffle, ground beef plates with hamburgers on top……wait.  Food as a dish gives you a subtle assurance that once you are done with the thing you are eating, you don’t have to be done eating.  That soup was good but this soup drenched bread bowl is the piece de resistance.
Weak:
Little flashing lights.
If I dream about space it is because once the last light in my house is turned out for the night my bedroom looks like mission control for a shuttle launch.  Two alarm clocks, multiple phone, ipad, camera, computer chargers, routers, monitors, etc.  The list goes on and my wife and I often are up in the middle of the night turning things to face away from us or folding squares of paper to cover the lights.  My favorite is hearing my wife ask “why did you move that chair?’  “What chair?  I ask.” The desk chair that blocks the light from that usb thingy hanging out of the computer, you moved the chair about 3 inches and now the light is flashing right in my eyes while I try to fall asleep!” I hate to complain because I love technology (like a lot) and our household enjoys lots of conveniences and entertainment that technology brings but Jeez Oh Pete tech companies, you can design something that puts everything in the entire world in my pocket but we still have to have a little blinking green light waking us up at night?

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