Sweet
The Trash Brag 
Ever drive through your neighborhood and see a giant flat screen TV box sitting out by someone’s garbage can the day before pick-up? If you are like me, you instantly find yourself jealous of someone’s garbage. Buying a new TV is a banner event in a man’s life. Hours of research combined with months or years of longing finally bear fruit one day and the purchase is made. I told someone the other day that every time I go to a store with my family I always get sad once we pass the electronics section.
We have all seen him, or hopefully been him at some point in our lives. Walking through the store with a huge TV box that can only be transported by one of those sweet pallet things from the back. That guy has a silly smirk on his face like a hunter that just bagged a prize buck and now gets to parade his trophy through the masses. I always give that guy a respectful nod and see that smirk break into a full born smile. Yes buying a giant TV is a momentous occasion. It is the kind of thing that you want to share with the world but no one likes a bragger. So instead of driving it around to your friend’s houses to let them see it like a brand new car, we bring it home, bask in the ceremonial un-boxing. Hook it up, play with the remote, read the manual, go back online and read more reviews about it, and then, drag the trophy box out to the curb. It isn’t crass and braggadocious, I mean you have to get rid of the box. But we all know that the neighbors driving by will admire it, At least I will. So put it out there with pride new TV guy, and I will squint as I drive by to read what features your new prize contains, because on the day that you buy a new TV, you are a man among men, even if you are wearing silly 3D glasses.
Putting the box from a new TV out by the trash is totally sweet.
Weak
The Cabinet that Time Forgot 
An old fondue set, a George Foreman grill, a wine bottle holder in the shape of a bicycle and a Christmas cookie tin. What lives in the cabinet above your refrigerator? I don’t know that there is a better use for the space above your refrigerator, maybe taking out the cabinets so you can put a giant TV on top of your fridge, but let’s be honest. Those cabinets are a wasteland of stuff you don’t use, don’t need, and don’t remember are even there.
If you do keep something up there that you plan on using, you need a step-ladder or at least a sturdy dining room chair to get to them. Once up there you have to deal with the project of moving the junk that has somehow accumulated on top of the refrigerator because you can’t even open the cabinet door without knocking over a two liter that has managed to maintain its place in your home months after those family members came over to celebrate your daughter’s pre-school graduation. I guess we all need a place to put that slap chop and magic bullet blender, but rest assured that anything that finds itself being relegated to the cabinet above your refrigerator knows they have just been put into domestic purgatory. It is the holding zone between the lower cabinet next to the stove and a garage sale. Enjoy your time up there, hamburger shaped serving tray and quesadilla maker, because come tax season I will be needing a Goodwill receipt, and that donation has your name all over it.
The cabinet above your fridge as a usable storage application? Totally weak.
Simon C. Holland 
September 16th, 2014 at 11:56 am
Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an very long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear.
Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again.
Anyhow, just wanted to say wonderful blog!
July 20th, 2012 at 2:46 pm
My parents bought me a ladder for the cabinet above my fridge. Needless to say, I bought my house 2 years ago and I haven’t opened it since the day I moved in. Nice post 😉
July 20th, 2012 at 2:55 pm
You should probably open it and climb up there, no telling what kind of slap chip treasures could have been left.
July 5th, 2012 at 3:47 pm
Oh my gosh…so funny and so true! LOL! I have fallen back in time over here on your blog 9it is that good)…but fast forward July 2012 and congrats on Freshly Pressed! Now I really should get back to work or writing myself. You guess which one is sweet or weak!
May 22nd, 2012 at 10:10 pm
There’s a special kind of gross attached to a Foreman Grill that’s been forgotten. Covered in dust, old melted cheese that could be worn like kevlar, and turkey burger grease. Hmmm…Who wants a panini?
May 22nd, 2012 at 10:23 pm
Tap that old grill with a hammer or the handle of a butter knife and it breaks into a million different pieces of delicious crunchy salad topping.
May 22nd, 2012 at 10:34 pm
I’m barfing and high fiving you at the same time.
January 3rd, 2012 at 11:41 am
[…] by a photo, a story, a life experience, or a comical piece on the jealousy we feel when we see the box of a big screen TV resting on the curb after Christmas. So in light of the Candle Lighter Award and its purpose, I want to nominate EVERYBODY for this […]
December 5th, 2011 at 11:56 am
You gave me something to laugh about. It’s in-my-face writing. I relate.
December 3rd, 2011 at 10:03 am
I’m extremely inspired with your writing skills and also with the format to your blog. Is this a paid topic or did you modify it yourself? Anyway stay up the excellent quality writing, it’s uncommon to see a nice blog like this one these days..
November 25th, 2011 at 9:52 am
very funny and so true!
http://www.pierotucci.com/accessories/sale/
November 19th, 2011 at 10:17 am
Haha this is the most random yet enjoyable post I’ve read today! Very funny, thanks for sharing!
November 18th, 2011 at 6:42 pm
the longing of my guy was an outdoor water pump for our house that cost twelve hundred dollars more than the one inside the house that needed to be replaced—-who longs for things like that
November 17th, 2011 at 8:08 pm
The cabinet over the fridge is where really ugly wedding/housewarming gifts go to die… the kitchen towels with reindeer with the “real ball” nose… that glass bowl with birds on it… and the corn holders that look like hot dogs.
November 17th, 2011 at 1:08 pm
In the right neighborhood, putting a flat screen box out with the trash can get you robbed!
November 17th, 2011 at 1:03 pm
HILARIOUS! My husband has definitely fallen victim to the TV envy… When he bought a new one, he actually asked our neighbor (the previous subject of his envy…) to “help” him set up the new cables in our house…
Will be following. Will you follow me too? Thanks!
November 17th, 2011 at 12:29 pm
How you made me laugh! I also have that dreaded cupboard above the fridge requiring a stepladder to access the few useful things living among all those questionable things that should have been tossed out long ago.
November 17th, 2011 at 12:00 pm
LIKE
http://amiarting.wordpress.com/about/
November 17th, 2011 at 9:37 am
As my niece says, “It’s funny because it’s true!” Thanks for the laugh.
November 17th, 2011 at 9:24 am
Ahhhh, my Dad, may he rest in peace. He lived among 3 daughters and a wife, much like you. The estrogen molecules flew round him, like pigeons fly round the birdseed in a park. God bless him and God bless you.
Great blog, so true to life!. Congratulations on the fresh press! You made my day!
Jenni
November 17th, 2011 at 10:04 am
Thanks so much! Wouldn’t trade the girls for the world.
November 17th, 2011 at 9:14 am
I love your story about the cabinet over the fridge. Funny since it was my plan today to clear it off. Let me see, empty soda machine bottles, a waffle iron, a serving bowl, a popcorn container for refills at the theater. I don’t even want to know what is in the totally blocked off cabinet. Yikes!
November 17th, 2011 at 8:40 am
I got married recently, and when we started opening our presents (all of which we had registered for), it was pretty funny how few things my husband was able to identify. He feels your pain!
~Stop Me if You’ve Heard This One
November 17th, 2011 at 7:31 am
Great post — had a good laugh!
November 17th, 2011 at 7:29 am
I’ve never owned either. The fondue set sounds intriguing though.
November 17th, 2011 at 7:22 am
Great!
November 17th, 2011 at 5:01 am
Hello Simon!
I think you are right about the appliances and general stuff stored in the spaces above the fridge. This reminds me of home and all the quirky things we have that I have no idea how to use or what they are for.
Sweet post!
Cheers,
Nel
November 17th, 2011 at 10:04 am
Thanks so much!
Cheers,
Simon
November 17th, 2011 at 1:27 am
I’m 6’7″ so I make use of that cabinet above the fridge…I put all useless junk in the low cabinets…my back likes that arrangement…until I clean the low storage out!
November 17th, 2011 at 1:23 am
I love your posts! Thanks for the laughs. I remember back when I first moved in to my apartment. The cabinet above the fridge was luxuriously empty. I squandered the space by filling it with endless rolls of paper towels. (Thank You Costco). Stuff keeps popping up though and now the paper towels are ABOVE the cabinet above the fridge. I have no idea what’s inside the cabinet these days. Out of sight, out of mind…..
November 17th, 2011 at 10:03 am
I would love for any section of our house to be “luxuriously empty.”
November 17th, 2011 at 1:01 am
love it… just like my hubby, although we don;t have one, he is sooo aching for the big tv. As for the top of my fridge… silly house has oipen shelves and it’s the only place for the microwave (dangerous too, but i like to live on the edge..
November 16th, 2011 at 11:53 pm
I think you’ve nailed it. With both observations. I’m looking forward to showing Hubbie your “Sweet” take on buying a giant TV. At the very least, now I understand Hubbie’s actions and reaction to buying that giant TV we shoppped around for for hours and then days – all while I was nearly 9+ month pregnant. Guess he wanted to make sure everything was set before the baby’s arrival!
November 16th, 2011 at 11:16 pm
I scored a 40″ for $350. Refurbed but then I know what the problem was.
You see, the power supplies on these sweet flat screens, they’re made with cheap ass Chinese electrolytic capacitors. And they leak and sputter and so the TV won’t turn on.
Get some good quality capacitors and desolder the crap ones and you’ll have a TV that last near forever.
November 16th, 2011 at 10:44 pm
You are right, once it goes it that cabinet over the fridge, you never use it again. I keep those things that you put butter in with a candle to warm up the butter to dip lobster in. But I never buy the lobster to use the butter warmers.
November 16th, 2011 at 10:30 pm
Second time on Freshly Pressed? Congratulations 😀
November 17th, 2011 at 10:02 am
Thanks, pretty sweet!
November 16th, 2011 at 9:54 pm
I’ve got the George Foreman grill – we’ve got too many people to feed now so it doesn’t accommodate us, but I haven’t found anyone who wants it so it sits in that little cupboard out of reach!
November 16th, 2011 at 8:59 pm
I love this post. I always give that guy a respectful nod and see that smirk break into a full born smile.
November 16th, 2011 at 7:37 pm
Love your blog because it’s so real. We just got rid of almost all of the contents of a liquor cabinet that is now serving us better in a bathroom! Maybe with age, the fun is in finding better uses for mundane things.
November 17th, 2011 at 10:08 am
Might I ask, what you did with said contents? HaHa.
November 16th, 2011 at 7:29 pm
The wall size tv, lifted step-ladder truck, and sports car with the large hood are all man-things I envy when I look at my mini-van, 32″ (formerly) large screen, and Toyota truck. Being a husband/father ought to come with certain warnings. Maybe it did, but my wife hid the paper.
At least the cabinet above the fridge makes sense…it’s full of aluminum pots and ten year old glass jars full of colored beans in swirling patterns to pretty to cook. I see heavy metal chili down the road, or the trash.
Love the man-post. How does our trash tributary miss the branch to Garbage River so often?
November 17th, 2011 at 10:01 am
Thanks for the read, there is a guy in my neighborhood with the huge lifted truck, and kids! It mocks me every time I drive by with its bad ass mud tires.
November 16th, 2011 at 6:58 pm
Totally see my husband in your TV section….so funny!!! He claims that there is no TV too big….(despite my argument that our livingroom is too small)…
Thanks for a laugh!
November 16th, 2011 at 6:27 pm
All my cabinets are the kind that time forgot….
November 16th, 2011 at 5:59 pm
I don’t have space over my refrigerator … stuff I never use goes in the garage along with the cassette player, the VCR and the Amstrad PCW. I keep saying I’ll clear clear all this stuff out, and start keeping the car in there. Except, the car is so big and the garage so small, I’d have to get out through the sunroof.
November 16th, 2011 at 5:52 pm
I couldn’t remember so I looked. After removing all the stuff on TOP of the refrigerator so I could get TO the cabinet, I found: My entire collection of Boulder Dinner Theater commemorative glasses – and nothing else. I wondered where they’d gotten off to. They’ve been up there for 21 years now.
November 16th, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Flat screens are nice…if you can afford them. I hate to see that certain guy’s credit card statement. He may be smilin’ now, parading that piece of electronic mastery around the store, but when that bill comes….who’s smilin’ now?
That is SO true with the cabinets above the fridge. Yes, I have the dinning room chair that I stand on, I have to remove the vintage canisters I have on top and in it are things I DO use, but only like maybe once a year: The anglefood pan, electric juicer, Pampered Chef Ice Shaver and my springform pan. You hit the proverbial nail on the head with that one!
November 16th, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Hilarious! When we moved this summer the cabinet above our fridge was a veritable treasure of boxes and boxes of Ikea drink ware. Somehow, I had managed to live the past six years without using the tiny port glasses that I had once thought a good buy.
November 16th, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Haha! I need a step-ladder for half the cupboards in my kitchen, so the one above the fridge is no different. Putting my small appliances up there might have been a totally weak idea though.
November 16th, 2011 at 4:04 pm
Since i’m only 5 feet tall, every once in awhile, I’ll jump up and down trying to see if I can see what’s in the cubboards over the refrig. Once I’m exhausted, then I take the yard stick and close the doors again, and I promptly forget about it all until the same time next year. This exercise usually happens around the holidays when I’m trying to find Aunt Betsy’s “something or other” that we got 32 years ago as a wedding present. Glad to know I have company. Congrats on being FP’D!
http://www.howthehelldidienduphere.wordpress.com
November 16th, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Heh heh…thanks for letting me know that the cabinet above the fridge serves the same purpose in your house as it does mine! Currently, ours houses a bread machine and several awkward sized plates we never use. Funny, funny post!
November 16th, 2011 at 3:48 pm
My blender just conked out and I’m seriously thinking: do I really need this or can I use my submersible hand held blender in its place? Another gadget.
Remember the yogurt maker? The grilled cheese maker? Toss ’em in the cabinet over the oven!
Ronnie
November 16th, 2011 at 3:37 pm
My husband was torn between saving the box to properly store the “man tv” (it cannot be called anything else) if we moved or putting it next to the trash, angled just so to make it all the more visible to the other men in the neighborhood. The box was taken outside and ceremoniously placed by the trash can. We have since moved…the “man tv” was packed with more care and concern than the good china…
November 16th, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Big screen TV ~ that was my husband’s 40th birthday gift! No wonder he held onto the box for so long. : )
The George Foreman grill rocks. It seriously does not belong in the domestic purgatory above the fridge. And…at our house, I have no idea what’s up there. I am not tall enough to see, even with the step stool. Aliens, maybe.
November 16th, 2011 at 3:22 pm
i love this! i recently moved, and in the process i had to clean out a storage unit. the storage unit was packed full of wedding gifts (i’m now divorced) that never got used. most of which are now at goodwill. a quesadilla maker, waffle maker, 2 george forman grills, some super ugly holiday decorations, place mats and fabric napkins with ugly flowers. terrible stuff. waste of space. and although i’m not a man, i too become jealous over television boxes.
http://www.icouldntmakethisshitup.wordpress.com
November 17th, 2011 at 9:59 am
Really, how pointless is a quesadilla maker?
November 16th, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Ha! If you’re married to my husband (which I am), you have to cut the giant TV box up into small unrecognizable batches of trash so that the neighbors and/or the garbage guys don’t get the idea to rob us of our new TV while we’re out at Olive Garden.
November 16th, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Man, now you have me thinking. Geesh. Some stemware, I think. Ya know. I guess it’ll be like a hidden treasure on the day I move.
Nice blog.
Val
http://valentinedefrancis.blogspot.com
November 16th, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Being only 5’2″ that stupid cabinet is a total waste… I think we have plastic picnic ware and a 15 year old bottle of Kahlua. Maybe?
I just read an article that said you should never put that kind of trash out where it can be seen since it’s like an invitation to get robbed… but shoot, that’d totally blow the whole silent-bragging thing, huh?!
November 16th, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Ours is currently filled with cough syrup, thermometers and other various “medical” items. Which makes me curse every time one of us needs one of these things and has to climb on a chair in our sickly state to retrieve it…
November 16th, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Put a glass door on that cabinet and use it to display something nice.
November 16th, 2011 at 1:20 pm
I love this post–totally love it. But don’t be knocking the fondue pot, now. My foodie partner may object if I ask her to donate the less-frequently-used but dearly-loved kitchen appliances gathering dust above the frig.
Kathy
November 16th, 2011 at 1:18 pm
[…] out the article for yourself here Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. ← Previous […]
November 16th, 2011 at 1:12 pm
this is so true…especially about the new TV post…you just feel soo amazing walking through that store with your loot laughing at the massive attention you’re getting.
November 16th, 2011 at 1:11 pm
Loved this post! I have been that guy once in my life, and I hope to one day reach that pinnacle again. Until that day, I’ll have to be the other guy (i.e. you). Also, good call on the cabinet above the fridge. I’ll have to go home and check mine out to see what inside.
PS- Congrats on FP. I’m just reading your blog for the first time and I am enjoying what I see. As a fellow father of 2, I hope you’ll check out some of my stories as well!
November 17th, 2011 at 9:58 am
It is a glorious day for sure. Thanks for reading.
November 16th, 2011 at 1:07 pm
oh, the cabinet above the fridge! Yikes, it’s been a while since I ventured that way. It really could use some reorganizing/Goodwill stops. Funny post 🙂
November 16th, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Hahah!! That’s so true about the cupboard above the refrigerator…no one ever goes to that cupboard and it’s just a catch-all for all of the stuff you’ll never use (in my case, recipe books). 😉
Very funny post and congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
November 16th, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Hahaha! The “cabinet space” above my fridge was converted into a wine rack. The only problem: We can’t reach the bottles on the left side. I’m thinking there will be liquid gold there in about 10 years…
😉
November 10th, 2011 at 7:42 pm
I just love your blog! It’s so funny1 Keep going!
November 8th, 2011 at 1:00 pm
Joe is probably thinking the same thing about his vodka that you are about your flashlights.
November 8th, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Flashlights. I don’t know why I store them there…because when I need them..that’s the most ridiculous place to have to go.
November 8th, 2011 at 11:03 am
You have helped me so much in understanding Hubs. Thank you
November 8th, 2011 at 1:01 pm
Sadly, we aren’t that hard to figure out.
November 7th, 2011 at 6:50 pm
I totally have a slap chop in the cabinet above my fridge, and I’m not even kidding. And? I also have garbage envy. I’m totally tweeting out this post.
November 9th, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Sadly, no one is jealous of a slap chop box in your garbage….. Thanks for spreading the word!
November 7th, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Just off the top of my head I can recall two bottles of vodka (unopened and have been there for a year and a half), a candy bowl, two cooking apparatuses, and a spatula on top of my refrigerator. All of which would fail a white glove inspection miserably!
November 7th, 2011 at 11:17 am
On the subject of new TV’s, you are SO my husband. But I’m all about the storage on top of the fridge. It’s what I do with all those unnecessary phone books, haha.
November 7th, 2011 at 11:07 am
Nice!
November 7th, 2011 at 9:47 am
Aaah, yes, we got the “Big T.V.” earlier this year. It was momentous for my husband. Getting the “big T.V.” is the suburban equivalent of bagging an antlered head to mount on the wall. While I was initially less than thrilled about the purchase (“We already have a perfectly good T.V.!”), I have to admit, it’s freakin’ awesome. 🙂 Watching t.v. at my parent’s house gives me a headache now.