The Trash Brag
Ever drive through your neighborhood and see a giant flat screen TV box sitting out by someone’s garbage can the day before pick-up? If you are like me, you instantly find yourself jealous of someone’s garbage. Buying a new TV is a banner event in a man’s life. Hours of research combined with months or years of longing finally bear fruit one day and the purchase is made. I told someone the other day that every time I go to a store with my family I always get sad once we pass the electronics section.
We have all seen him, or hopefully been him at some point in our lives. Walking through the store with a huge TV box that can only be transported by one of those sweet pallet things from the back. That guy has a silly smirk on his face like a hunter that just bagged a prize buck and now gets to parade his trophy through the masses. I always give that guy a respectful nod and see that smirk break into a full born smile. Yes buying a giant TV is a momentous occasion. It is the kind of thing that you want to share with the world but no one likes a bragger. So instead of driving it around to your friend’s houses to let them see it like a brand new car, we bring it home, bask in the ceremonial un-boxing. Hook it up, play with the remote, read the manual, go back online and read more reviews about it, and then, drag the trophy box out to the curb. It isn’t crass and braggadocious, I mean you have to get rid of the box. But we all know that the neighbors driving by will admire it, At least I will. So put it out there with pride new TV guy, and I will squint as I drive by to read what features your new prize contains, because on the day that you buy a new TV, you are a man among men, even if you are wearing silly 3D glasses.
Putting the box from a new TV out by the trash is totally sweet.
The Cabinet that Time Forgot
An old fondue set, a George Foreman grill, a wine bottle holder in the shape of a bicycle and a Christmas cookie tin. What lives in the cabinet above your refrigerator? I don’t know that there is a better use for the space above your refrigerator, maybe taking out the cabinets so you can put a giant TV on top of your fridge, but let’s be honest. Those cabinets are a wasteland of stuff you don’t use, don’t need, and don’t remember are even there.
If you do keep something up there that you plan on using, you need a step-ladder or at least a sturdy dining room chair to get to them. Once up there you have to deal with the project of moving the junk that has somehow accumulated on top of the refrigerator because you can’t even open the cabinet door without knocking over a two liter that has managed to maintain its place in your home months after those family members came over to celebrate your daughter’s pre-school graduation. I guess we all need a place to put that slap chop and magic bullet blender, but rest assured that anything that finds itself being relegated to the cabinet above your refrigerator knows they have just been put into domestic purgatory. It is the holding zone between the lower cabinet next to the stove and a garage sale. Enjoy your time up there, hamburger shaped serving tray and quesadilla maker, because come tax season I will be needing a Goodwill receipt, and that donation has your name all over it.
The cabinet above your fridge as a usable storage application? Totally weak.