I know that the Thanksgiving day meal gets all of the hype but come this time of year I start to crave one thing. The Thanksgiving sandwich. Either that night or the next day, cramming as many leftovers that you can fit between two slices of bread is the way I like to usher in the Holiday Season.
I am taking a break this year as I have been the CEO of the bird for the last 6 or so years. Cooking the turkey can be one of those manly culinary exhibitions like making a pot of chili or grilling. Last year I put a turkey on a giant Foster’s beer can and cooked it on an open flame just like baby Jesus intended man to cook. But this year I am taking it easy. So, since I don’t have to worry about targeting that 12 hour window far enough before Thursday that the store still has fresh sage but not too soon that it goes bad, I thought I would offer a couple of Turkey day tips.
1.Small servings. I don’t mean, limit your intake all together but don’t fill up on the first pass. There will be
aunts people there that will measure their happiness and possibly some portion of their self-worth on who goes back for seconds on their dish. So be a hero and start small and make several trips. It isn’t like the extra walking is going to hurt. Speaking of needing exercise, if you are a dude that could stand to drop a few lbs, this is even more important for you. No reason for someone to feel like a failure because the fat guy didn’t even want seconds.
2. Get a can of cranberry. It may not look too fancy jiggling there with its can lines wrapping around it but nothing goes better on a thanksgiving sandwich than slices of canned cranberry.
3. The sympathy scoop. Don’t let anyone take home a dish that was barely touched. I don’t care if you are 90% sure you see hot dogs and marshmallows in there, get a spoon-full. Leave it for last then spread it out on your plate so it looks like you ate it. Remember, these are the people you love, or at least pretend to once a year on this day.
4. Keep it classy. Wine should not be opened before the Turkey float goes by on the parade. (exception: if any part of the menu is being cooked outdoors an open beer is the most important cooking utensil regardless of time of day)
5. Wardrobe selection. You don’t need to go over the top here and show up in a Biggest Loser sweat suit but at the same time think ahead enough that you at least pick those pants that you are still “growing into.”
Last of all, say “Thank You” and have a great time because eating until your left leg starts to go numb is totally sweet.
*note: not to brag but that is a picture of a turkey I cooked. (actually, that was totally to brag)
I spend 364 days a year waiting for Christmas. I get how that may seem strange seeing as how I am not an 8-year-old kid and stuff but that is just the way it is. I get excited when they start putting Christmas decorations next to the Halloween candy and enjoy the buildup as much as any part of the holiday. I really enjoy this time of year and not getting the strange stares when I pull up to a red-light with my windows down and Christmas music playing. That was kind of awkward in August.
I get that the holiday season brings tons of angst and stress and the hustle and bustle is a turn off. That being said, enough with all of the vitriol about decorations going up too early. You are the boss of your own decorations and Christmas cheer. Have you heard the new Justin Bieber Thanksgiving CD? I didn’t think so.
I understand that I am a bit off-kilter with my love of Christmas and all that the season brings, but you will have plenty of time to vent your frustrations once the holiday madness begins and someone takes your parking spot. Save your punches for the ring killer.
Hating on Christmas is totally weak.