Taking Off The Wedding Ring


One More Please 

I just want one more.  I know it isn’t really possible now with all of the real life grown up stuff that I have gotten myself into but just one more time I would love to have that last day of school.

My daughter finishes kindergarten in a couple of weeks and my wife says goodbye to another group of third graders.  They are in full crescendo mode as mountains of paperwork are plowed through and teacher appreciation gifts are given and received.  They have their heads down in the trenches right now but they know it is looming.  That glorious day on the horizon when they finally get to exhale and and feel the weight be lifted away.

Do you remember the unadulterated joy of the last day of school?  Responsibility seems to evaporate into the hot summer sun and your mind is flooded with possibilities.  This will be my daughter’s fist last day and I will remember to encourage her to cherish them for the next few years.  One day she will be grown up and her concerns in June will go far beyond the watermelon juice dripping off her elbows and the swimsuit hanging on the shower rod still damp from the day before.

It is hard for me to imagine having every shred of responsibility suddenly stripped away and replaced with an entire summer of vacation.  The last day of school is the epitome of childhood.  I may not have any left but it is one area that I fully intend to live vicariously through my kids.  Just remembering getting off that bus for the last time and bounding down the driveway without a care in the world makes me smile.

The last day of school is totally sweet.


This was right after the carnage occurred.

So last week I read some blogs with clever hooks in the title, and being the unoriginal opportunist that I am, I decided to follow suit.  Last night I took off my wedding ring because my hand was so swollen it was starting to cut off the circulation.  You see, I got stung by a wasp yesterday and apparently I am a wee bit allergic.  In fact, I now have a right hand and a left paw.

I can wax poetic about all of the joys that summer brings but sometimes all of that awesome has a stinger.  You can rest assured that while the wasp won the battle, I won the war but still, this thing hurts like a mother.  Which (thanks to my smarter than your average kindergartner) is exactly what that wasp was.  Did you know that only female wasps have stingers?  Neither did I until I was enlightened by my 5 year old.  I will let you insert your own male female joke here as to not offend my core readership.   Did you know it is kinda hard to type with one paw?  I guess Summer would be too easy though if there weren’t at least a few obstacles to traverse so bee stings, bug bites, sunburns, and alcohol poisoning are just a few of the  “weaks” that we will try to avoid.  Did he just say alcohol poisoning?  Yes, margarita filled patios can come with a price.

As we usher in summer and stock up on the SPF 1million and the chemical free bug spray hoping our soft pasty indoorsy selves don’t get bit by mother nature, beware of stingers because getting stung is totally weak.

**Maybe once the swelling comes down I will actually have something funny to write about, it seems that wasp venom has had an adverse reaction to my sense of humor as well.**

About Simon

I am a husband and a dad of two little girls. I am a lone Y chromosome and am already planning my escape strategy to deal with the estrogen flood that is on its way. People say there is a lot of joy to be found in the simple things and I have found they can provide a healthy dose of anti-awesome as well. I am, in general, a pretty optimistic guy and needed a bit of a creative outlet; so here it is. Thanks for stopping by. View all posts by Simon

57 responses to “Taking Off The Wedding Ring

  • Ruth Rutherford

    That photo is disgusting. I have never been stung, but still have an unnatural fear that I’m deathly allergic to stings. Now every time I see a wasp, I run away screaming like a little girl. It’s embarrassing. But now, while I’m running, I will also see this photo in my head. Thanks for that.

  • klrs09

    Ah, yes, the last day of school — I’m counting down the days. It will be sweet, indeed.

    Sorry about your paw — next time you get stung (and I hope you don’t) find some mud and pack it on — it helps reduce the swelling. Failing that make a paste of baking soda and water and plaster that on.

  • thescarletnumbers

    beautiful blog! Keep writing you’re good at it!

  • Juniper

    Totally hooked! Nice work, very clever. Hope your hand feels better soon!

  • Kathy V.

    I have to admit, I would totally accept a wasp sting in exchange for having one more last day of school. Those really were totally sweet.

    • Simon

      I would do it in a heartbeat as well. Once you turn into a grown up the last day of school is like a unicorn. Beautiful, majestic, and completely unattainable.

  • Jp

    Ah, the last day of school. Haven’t had one of those in a long time. But even back then, as a child, that never ended my worries. Wasp attacks I have endured. They aren’t the greatest, and do come when least expected, and I’ve always thought it was the women who really carry the stinger…or so I tell my wife.

  • Sarah Harris

    I love the last day I school feel! I try to take the kids’ last day of school off every year to live vicariously through them. I work at a university right now and they just had their last week and I felt so sentimental although having only been there a few months.
    Ouch! I hope your hand heals soon! That does not look comfy!

    • Simon

      the swelling has finally started to go down and no, it hasn’t been too comfy. That is awesome that you take the last day off with them. That is a pretty cool feeling you can only have as a kid.

  • La La

    Oh man, how great it would be to have that feeling of “last day of school” again and the joy that summer brings. You just took me down nostalgia lane. Thank you.

  • squirrel circus

    Owwww — your poor paw! Even with your currently venom-addled brain, this was a great post. Feel better!

  • Paige Sitwell

    Great post! Hope you feel better soon.

  • unfetteredbs

    Great post.. “One day she will be grown up and her concerns in June will go far beyond the watermelon juice dripping off her elbows and the swimsuit hanging on the shower rod still damp from the day before.” You really nailed it with this one sentence!

  • skippingstones

    I certainly do remember what that last day of school felt like – sweet freedom! I also remember getting stung at least once each summer, but just by regular bumble bees.

    There was a certain amount of that lovely freedom feeling to be had when I had all of my weekends off (which I sadly don’t have anymore). Thursday was the day before Friday, so that was anticipation day. Friday was the end of the work week, so that was an exciting and happy day. Once 5 o’clock rolled around, it was on!

  • Michelle Gillies

    Your description of the last day of school and the anticipation of the wonderful things the summer would hold took me back (way back) with a smile. Some great memories. I hope you are able to play hooky that last day of school and spend it with your kids.
    Unfortunately, your sting took me back too. I was swarmed by a hive of bees one summer. You just gave me a flashback.

  • Stacie Chadwick

    Was mine one of the shamelessly misleading hooky titles that got your attention? I hope so. I take misleading anyone who reads my blog very seriously, and I love playing the role of a hooker. =p

    Loved the sweet, but your hand is seriously freaking me out. Yikes.

    • Simon

      So you are saying you are the WordPress Hooker? You did hook me last week and instead of the nightstand, I left your payment in the comments section. Glad you likes the sweet and yeah, the hand thing is pretty sick. I am a big brother though, and grossing a girl out never really get old.

  • Newfoundland Traveller

    I got strung on the knee and it swollen up something awful. It was painful as well. Happened in Manitoba when I was teaching there. The wasp went up the leg of my pants and must have felt trapped!! Anyway I didn’t blow up too much, or have other adverse reactions. Not fun while you’re going through it though! Hope your hand is back to its own shape soon.

    • Simon

      Holy crap, if a wasp was in my pants I would totally freak. Thanks for the get well wishes, it has stopped hurting and started itching now so I think that’s progress.

  • searchingtosee

    I just wanted to say what a great post! Funny and poignant. I am allergic to wasp stings too and have to carry an epi pen in the summer. Last time I got stung I ended up in A&E and they told me: Next time it will be worse (so reassuring!). On a sweeter note, I still get to enjoy that last day of school feeling working in a school and it is TOTALLY sweet 🙂 (apart from our terrible weather, that is)

  • thewhitetrashgourmet

    ouch! Funny, I reminiscence about summer every year. Maybe I should have become a teacher so that I could have a lifetime of summer vacations.

  • lauriebest

    Might I suggest you carry an EPI pen with you at all times? My son was stung by wasps as a teen and we had to rush him to emerg with anaphylactic shock. You got off easy the first time…maybe not so much the second!

  • Don Scrooby

    Thanks Simon.Your post invoked all sorts of memories for me around those last days of school. May seem strange, but for me there was even a smell about those days. Somehow they touched all of your senses.

  • Audrey

    And joys and hardships of summer wonderfully summarized right here! Even margaritas come with a downside, it seems… 😦 Hope your hand gets better! Enjoy that vicarious last day of school!

  • yoonanimous

    you’re still funny, don’t sweat it. the last day of school thing is great. tate got a balloon this weekend and held onto that thing for hours. it made me think about the intense joy you can only feel as a child. good for you for trying to re-live it through your daughter.

  • geordiesgirl

    You blog just rocks, just read this out to my husband and he nodded and laughed along with all of your observations there too. Excellent writing as always!

    • Simon

      Wow, that really brightened my day. It is funny, I hit publish and instantly decided this was the most boring least funny blog post I had ever written. Glad you found the good in it.

  • SzaboInSlowMo

    I’ve been thinking the same thing since my girls count down the final month. On our last day, we used to run out of screaming. The closest I get to that now is when I get a week vacation and I feel the same. I can only imagine what it will feel like to retire. If I’m able, I’m going to run out screaming again!

  • Maggie O'C

    That is hideous. Did your wife gag looking at it. I would have gagged. Sorry that happened, no really… I am!

  • tracylaneisnotavirgin

    well, it worked! the title of the post caught my attention. nice work. and stay away from them wasps.

  • sweetmother

    that bee sting is nasty!

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