Sweet
The Fresh Laundry Avalanche 
Laundry is a chore that no one particularly enjoys but in our house my girls have found a silver lining. My oldest daughter, specifically, loves few things more than having a basket of laundry (especially towels) fresh from the dryer dumped on her. There is something about wrapping up in those warm fresh towels that just feels awesome. While I can understand this little joy, I am a bit wary to share her enthusiasm due mostly to a bad experience with those copper rivets on a pair of jeans. Clothes fresh from the dryer are great but beware metal snaps and buttons. They have the propensity to achieve temperatures that would make the surface of the sun flinch in pain. I can remember a time long ago as a child waiting for pants to finish drying so I could put them on and rush out to the bus stop (sad pattern of poor preparation developing in this space). I was standing there mostly dressed waiting for them to get dry. My window of time was ticking down so I opened the dryer grabbed them and put them on. Ahh, warm and fresh as I slid each leg in grateful to be enjoying fresh dryer clothes on a cold morning. That was, however, until I got to the buttoning part and suddenly YOWWWZA! How the button on those jeans got that hot without melting is perplexing but what is certain is that any joy of warm clothes from the dryer pales in comparison to burning yourself with the button. Let’s all stop for a second and think about the location of the button on a pair of jeans and I am sure you can agree that it is a less than ideal place to attempt an accidental at home cattle brand.
That is why we try to keep the laundry avalanches confined to loads of towels and not baby clothes (those things are like a mine-field of hot ember snaps). It is a short-lived joy, but having a basket of warm towels from the dryer tossed on you is one of those little moments to savor. On a winter morning, especially, warm dryer clothes are totally sweet.
Weak
Trying to Get it All in One Load 
Yesterday I closed the garage with my tongue. (I should really probably make that the title for this blog post). I know I am not the only one, who when faced with the question, “how many grocery bags can you carry?” The answer always is “All of them.” I guess I trade in the lower body workout of going up and down stairs for the upper body workout of carrying 60 lbs of groceries. It is a tricky maneuver to maintain circulation in your hands as the handles cut into your skin and keep the bread bag from getting pinched by cans of green beans. Often, my feeling of triumph in not only grabbing hold of each bag handle but also being able to lift them out of the car is quickly defeated by the tougher obstacles now before me. First off, do I possess the super-human strength required to lift all of these bags above my head to close the hatchback (is that what you call the back door of a SUV?) of the car? Secondly, with my rotator cuffs in each shoulder slowly tearing apart, how can I get the garage door closed? I thought about trying to hit the button with my nose but that seemed silly and I was afraid people were watching so I stuck out my tongue and bingo! down goes the garage door. I waddle up the stairs and somehow get the groceries onto the kitchen counter before the fingers on my left hand turn completely purple from the seventeen tourniquets I have inflicted them to. Somehow, in my sophomoric inner person, I feel that congratulations are in order. Instead, I realize I left my phone in the car. At least my second trip should be much easier. Hitting the garage door button with your tongue? Totally weak.
Simon C. Holland 
May 25th, 2012 at 8:34 pm
Hilarious from the beginning.
October 10th, 2011 at 11:37 am
[…] Must. Make. It. All. In. One. Trip. by Simon (in which getting the groceries inside in one trip is a good thing) […]
October 8th, 2011 at 7:41 am
I hear that Levi Straus originally had one of those metal rivets on the inseam in the crotch of his newly invented jeans. Then one day he decided that it was not a good idea when he was demonstrating his new invention to a group of cowboys around a campfire. Evidently he squatted for a few seconds to long near the flame when he stood up. . . well you guess where brand mark went.
September 29th, 2011 at 11:22 pm
Too funny! I don’t do the eighteen bags at one haul anymore — too old for those kinds of heroics. No, with Costco’s great big hummer-of-a-bags I can cart it all in two bags!
September 29th, 2011 at 1:26 pm
I love your posts!!! Fortunately I’ve never had the (dis)pleasure of making out with a garage door opener but I can sympathize with you. I often challenge myself to see just how many bags of groceries I can carry while trying to open my front door at the same time.
Keep up the good work!
September 29th, 2011 at 12:29 am
oh my gosh i do that! but i used my forehead instead of my tongue to close the garage door….bashing my head on the door frame in the process….yowza!
September 27th, 2011 at 7:17 pm
[…] sweetandweak […]
September 27th, 2011 at 12:09 pm
This is so funny, most people I know do this and it’s not gender specific. I try to carry bags of groceries and a case of water into the house, in order to unlock the door I have to lean it all against the deck railing with my knee. It rarely works!! Either the bag rips or the case of water tears open. You’d think I’d learn. When I do make it without tragedy I end up doing some sort of Rocky victory dance when I drop it all. Even though I’m sweating and have bag marks on my arms!
September 27th, 2011 at 8:17 am
We sun dry laundry here and that feel amazing without the risk of hot metal parts 🙂 I just ensure that V has had her bath before she jumps on the whole lot.
Groceries in one trip and then realizing that you have left something behind, totally me. Using your tongue to shut the garage door, superhuman!
September 28th, 2011 at 9:44 am
yeah, I hate to brag but it was pretty clutch.
September 26th, 2011 at 7:33 pm
Yes, groceries in one trip is a must – although painful. I use twist around the car turn and use my shoulder to hit the garage door opener.
September 26th, 2011 at 7:28 pm
I live in an apartment on the third floor with auto locking doors. I completely understand. Bonus? I used paper bags, so I’m terrified of ripping!
September 26th, 2011 at 6:40 pm
Oh, yes – one trip if you possibly can. For me, the key is placement: which bags to slide up you arm to the elbow, which ones to keep in your hand, the placement of bread is very important as you said. Alas, I’m often forced to make two trips anyway. It’s the dog food that does me in.
September 26th, 2011 at 10:26 pm
lol, my wife does the elbow technique as well!
September 26th, 2011 at 5:39 pm
My brother and I used to put our blankets in the dryer for a few minutes before bed on really cold nights so that we’d get warmer faster.
And I too am guilty of carrying more than it seems is possible to avoid a trip back to the car. Luckily I have my oldest who can carry stuff for me too. nothing like slave labor.
September 26th, 2011 at 5:19 pm
This weekend, I chased apples down the parking lot as they rolled away from me. It was SUPER important that I be able to take all the groceries to the car without a cart. Next time, I still won’t use a cart. You’d think I would learn.
September 26th, 2011 at 10:25 pm
We never do.
September 26th, 2011 at 2:39 pm
My goodness, I am sitting here freezing at work and a load of warm laundry sounds like amazing!
September 26th, 2011 at 12:25 pm
I love the feeling of warm laundry dumped on top! Except I really only do it with towels. No matter how clean underwear is, I’d rather not have it dumped on my face.
September 26th, 2011 at 10:27 pm
Good call
September 26th, 2011 at 12:19 pm
I am such a pro at taking all the groceries in one trip! It makes me feel so accomplished. It’s one of those things that’s counterintuitive, though, because I’m trying to save effort by not having to come back, but really it takes a lot more work to get everything at once. Oh well!
September 26th, 2011 at 11:42 am
LOL – such a husband thing to do 🙂 LOVE IT!!!