Sweet
Teach Them Well and Let Them Lead The Way 
I couldn’t agree more with those lyrics from the late Whitney Houston. Creating a person is one of the greatest things of all. As with anything though, eventually the new wears off. Once all of the awe and splendor of creating human life finally begins to fade into the background you realize that there is a whole lot more to this thing than just keeping them alive long enough for them to be able to actually sleep with a pillow or blanket without risk of SIDS. The fun part begins when they begin to walk and talk and are basically your very own DNA Play-Doh that you get to shape however you like.
At 20 months old, our youngest daughter is a lot like one of those smart phone apps you say something to and it repeats you in a cute funny voice. She is learning new words and phrases everyday and it is obvious that no member of our family is passing up the chance to leave a few thumbprints in her molding process. Last week while driving a squeaky little voice from the back seat piped up and said “WATCH IT DADDY!” followed by an eruption of giggles from her big sister. Our oldest has come to the conclusion that teaching her little sister new phrases is the funniest thing ever, especially when they are phrases that she doesn’t have the guts to say out loud herself. Her mom teaches her to say sweet things like “love the baby” and “I am one years old.” It may not have been until last night though, as she wandered through the house yelling “BACON IS AWESOME” that I realized how sweet this new little game could be.
Yesterday I watched her drag the stool from the bathroom into her room and proceed to climb up onto her changing table and then climb back down. This newly discovered talent also explains the bowl of apples in the kitchen full of mysterious little bite marks. When you reach that point of realizing you did your job keeping them alive this long and now it is time to really turn them into someone cool, it is totally sweet.
Weak
Armed with Snacks 
Sometimes it is like watching Gizmo turn into a Gremlin. From adorably cute to little monster in 3.6 seconds. Most of the time we realize it is part of the gig and take it all in stride. Other times the cries of our children have the ability to reduce us to begging pleading shadows of our former self. Often, our transformation can be just as rapid as theirs.
Sunday morning I found myself trying to rationalize with my one year old, “Yes sweetie, your daddy is very handy but even he cannot fix a broken banana or put it back into the peal so please for the love of everything holy just stop crying.” Yeah, it was like that. There are times though, when the humane and sensitive options of soothing are exhausted, that parents are forced to go to the silver bullet in the battle against their little weretoddlers. That’s right. Fruit snacks.
They may be disgusting little gummy sugar wads but there is no doubt that they have been blessed by some great shaman or created by a wizard. When readying ourselves for a day out in public with our little ones, I am often reminded of that scene in Rambo when he straps weapons onto his arms and legs and then rises tying the red band around his head. Usually, I leave with pockets full of goldfish and Cheerios and emergency fruit snacks strapped to my ankle (stuffed in my sock). I am locked and loaded and ready for battle the grocery store. It may sound like taking the easy way out but I have found that sometimes, a stern tone or empty threat simply do not have enough fire power and the only way to shut their mouths is to give them something to chew. Every now and then, I feel like just tearing the bag open with my teeth and lobbing them in her general direction like a little grenade of shut up. The bonus with that tactic is that it takes extra time for her to wander around finding all of the gelatinous nubs of artificial flavor and strengthens her immune system since she will be eating from the floor. Kids are one of the best things to ever happen to me but fruit snacks as a silencer is totally weak.
Simon C. Holland 
July 5th, 2012 at 5:12 pm
“a little grenade of shut up” Ha! You crack me up! You need to copyright that … it is too funny. We use Goldfishes 🙂
June 17th, 2012 at 8:48 pm
“…little grenade of shut up”. Awesome!!!
June 18th, 2012 at 8:47 am
Thanks!
June 7th, 2012 at 9:55 am
Loved both sides of your post today! You’re so right about kids being so much fun once they learn to walk and talk (especially when they talk back — it’s that learning to advocate for themselves that’s really interesting). Yes, I remember the days of snack-bribery; what we do to survive.
Thanks as always for adding a smile to my day.
June 7th, 2012 at 10:09 am
Wow, thanks so much for the great compliment. it really is cool to watch them turn into themselves. My wife stocked up on fruit snacks buy one get one free yesterday so hopefully we can make it July.
June 7th, 2012 at 5:36 am
Ha this made me laugh so much
June 7th, 2012 at 7:28 am
Thank you Anne.
June 6th, 2012 at 4:34 pm
I’m teaching my daughter to sing “shake your booty” whenever we shake the ketchup bottle…although a favourite of hers for a while now has been “Mummy’s Knickers” after she got to wear her own pair for the first time,
June 6th, 2012 at 4:44 pm
That’s awesome, our little one is singing shake your booty too. I am trying to catch it on video. Thanks for stopping by.
June 7th, 2012 at 7:28 am
Yup we’ve now gone from ketchup bottles to anything that rattles when it’s shaken 😀 good luck getting the video!
June 5th, 2012 at 3:05 pm
Funny! I love that she is boosting her immune system by eating from the floor. That’s like a win-win-win.
June 5th, 2012 at 3:56 pm
Yep, I am taking parenting to a whole new level!
June 5th, 2012 at 2:51 pm
You know, Simon, if you substituted my husband’s name for yours and replaced fruits snacks with vodka, you could just as easily be describing most of my married life. Disturbing, amusing or both? Glad you dropped by my site so that I could find yours! Thanks, Cristy.
June 5th, 2012 at 3:57 pm
Yes, there are times I have been given a nice glass of shut the hell up as well. Marriage is the best!
June 5th, 2012 at 11:52 am
The “bacon is awesome” quote has to be my favorite! That’s a must-teach for little ones now! Great post, had my laughing just imagining you lobbing fruit snacks through the grocery store aisles.
The boyfriend and I are watching some friends kids starting today through Saturday while the parents are out of town and we’re SCARED! Now I know to arm myself with Goldfish, thanks! 🙂
June 5th, 2012 at 12:24 pm
Thanks Audrey, yes fill one pocket with crunchy and the other with chewy and you should be able to survive.
June 5th, 2012 at 10:40 am
One of the pleasures of children getting older is you no longer have to hoard dozens of snacks with you wherever you go. But I remember those days well. 🙂
It’s also fun to watch their own personalities shine through, where you think, “Wow, that’s not like me at all.” Pretty cool.
June 5th, 2012 at 10:56 am
Yeah, it really is awesome to see them develop into their own person. Thanks for reading and showing me a light at the end of the tunnel.
June 5th, 2012 at 9:52 am
I think it’s called survival of the fittest. Although I often used to feel I wasn’t actually the fittest when mine were toddlers.
June 5th, 2012 at 10:11 am
how can they be so small and have so much energy?
June 5th, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Simon, I do not know, but I think it’s the parents that really need that energy!
June 5th, 2012 at 8:22 am
Heh. I’m a bit ashamed to say that the ‘fruit’ snacks thing is still in full force at our house. My daughters are now nine and eleven, and they’re still playin’ me.
June 5th, 2012 at 9:32 am
I too am recognizing the Pavlovian linkage that they are creating. We think they are so young and innocent until one day we realize the tables have turned. Thanks for reading Sid.
June 5th, 2012 at 8:00 am
Ah, gummy treats. So good tasting and chewy. We can almost justify them with the 100% fruit juice and jaw/gum strength they provide. Nothing like a calm kid when you are shopping- just pay for it with the sugar high afterwards.That’s when you let them jump up and down on the bed for a half hour, hoping it doesn’t end w/ a trip to the er. Yikes!
June 5th, 2012 at 9:30 am
The sugar high always comes right at the moment when the parent is completely exhausted. Yes just survive and avoid the ER.
June 5th, 2012 at 5:02 am
What I find so amazing is when they suddenly discover that language is not just repeating phrases, but that it actually has power to cause things to happen. Then the fun really starts.
June 5th, 2012 at 9:29 am
That really is the best Don, you can almost see the synapses firing as they put the words together.
June 4th, 2012 at 11:14 pm
when my eldest two were toddlers I used to go shopping (ie, bill paying) with a friend and she would sit outside with them and feed them red frogs to keep them quiet. Worked a treat. Great post as usual. 🙂
June 4th, 2012 at 11:22 pm
I just had to google red frogs because I was a bit concerned at first read haha. Yes they do work to keep them occupied. Thanks Jen, I appreciate it.
June 4th, 2012 at 11:31 pm
lol, def not real frogs.. …
June 4th, 2012 at 9:35 pm
My girlfriend can attest to your theory. They work like a charm on me.
June 4th, 2012 at 9:52 pm
We get Dora and Disney Princesses but I didn’t know they made Danzig fruit snacks.
June 4th, 2012 at 10:04 pm
Well technically they don’t. But she just tells me they’re little demon hearts. I fall for it everytime.
June 4th, 2012 at 7:58 pm
Sometimes it’s just a case of ‘us versus them’ and whatever works is how you roll! Stay strong.
June 4th, 2012 at 8:23 pm
Exactly, just keep fighting the good fight. Thanks Laurie.
June 4th, 2012 at 5:23 pm
One of the cutest things I recall from my son’s toddlerhood was when he started to say “Bless You” to himself after he sneezed, but he said “Splash You” instead. It was quite descriptive! Great post — your writing taps into my own memory bank and makes me think about fun things I thought I’d forgotten. (Yea, and I still haven’t forgiven you for the sippy cup post….)
June 4th, 2012 at 8:15 pm
Thanks so much Lisa. Your comments always make me feel like a real writer haha. Glad to bring back memories except for the dippy cup. My bad.
June 4th, 2012 at 5:07 pm
I love this line “… basically your very own DNA Play-Doh that you get to shape however you like.” Perfect discription.
June 4th, 2012 at 8:12 pm
Thanks Michele. Tonight she held up her hand to give me a high five and said “up top”. She is cooler than me already.
June 4th, 2012 at 3:59 pm
Gotta love a kid who likes bacon!
P.S. Your post is still not showing up in my reader. I contacted wordpress again (4th or 5th time now) because I had this problem with your blog a few days ago. They said that they fixed it, but now it’s happening again. You should probably send them an email. 🙂
June 4th, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Thanks Cristy, I sent an email this morning and they told me that if I added more than 15 tags it would not show up in any lists in the reader http://en.support.wordpress.com/topics/#missing-posts
that sucks because I always got a kick out of reading your tags, like little hidden jokes. Have you had the same issue?
June 4th, 2012 at 4:18 pm
The lists are separate from the reader. The reader is supposed to show you every single blog you subscribe to. I use more tags because I get a lot of new readers and traffic from internet searches – more so than I got when I wasn’t using many tags. That shouldn’t affect my readers who have subscribed to my blog.
June 4th, 2012 at 4:21 pm
totally agree, that is just what they pointed me to.