The Mystery No One Enjoys


Squinting in the Rear View Mirror  

I log a fair amount of time sitting behind a windshield.  The amount of time I spend driving combined with my general disdain for it and desire to reach my location has resulted in more than one contribution to various state governments via their blue light collection agents.  A few weeks ago I was about 150 miles from home driving along and minding my own business.  Probably going somewhere between 5 and 10 miles over the posted limit.  I had set the cruise control and was changing cd’s when I looked in my mirror and saw it.  Is it?  I can’t tell, it is dark and they are too far back.  Annoyingly, I slow down because I am not going to chance it and they seem to slow down with me.  Following behind me just far enough back to make me equal parts nervous and agitated.  I wish cars with roof racks had little illuminated signs on them that said “not a cop.”

Finally the car passed me (probably wondering why I had started driving so slow).  As soon as I verified that it was only a roof rack, zoom zoom buddy.  Driving for miles looking in your mirrors trying to figure out if you are being followed by the police is not super awesome but that moment you realize it is only a roof rack and you gun it is totally sweet!

*Note:  I passed the car in the pic last week.  He probably thinks that blue duct tape is hilarious.


When First in Line is the Last Place You Want to Be 

Traffic in Atlanta is pretty bad so not much surprises me and for the most part I keep myself from wading into the deep end of the road rage pool.  Lately though, one particular scenario has begun to force my frustration into a crescendo.  If I am driving in the right lane and the cars in front of me suddenly come to a stop while the left lane is still moving I should be first in line to go around right?  But noooooo that isn’t how it works.  I come to a stop, exhale in frustration and begin looking in my mirrors to find the needed gap to pull into the left lane and go around the traffic standstill.  I see my opportunity steadily approaching.  After this green car, I am in the promised land.  The green car approaches and I gently ease off the brake and begin to sneak the nose of my car into the left lane when it happens.  Some jack leg behind me steals my window and leaves me in the dust!!

This is a time when being in the front of the line does not make you next.  The gap in traffic that you had your eye on gets to the cars behind you first and they could care less about you.   In fact what usually happens is the last car in line takes the window first and the proverbial jerk floodgates are opened so everyone can speed around you until it is just you and a stopped bus sitting on an empty street.   If you happen to be driving with your kids in the car, this is one of those times when a swear substitute like Mother Hubbard! comes in handy.  Stealing someone’s merge  window is totally weak.


About Simon

I am a husband and a dad of two little girls. I am a lone Y chromosome and am already planning my escape strategy to deal with the estrogen flood that is on its way. People say there is a lot of joy to be found in the simple things and I have found they can provide a healthy dose of anti-awesome as well. I am, in general, a pretty optimistic guy and needed a bit of a creative outlet; so here it is. Thanks for stopping by. View all posts by Simon

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