72 Band-Aids and Plenty of Apple Juice


Father Knows Best was an old TV show that I am old enough to know of but not really know about. It seemed fitting, this picture is from the Interwebs and belongs to the show. I guess.

Father Knows Best was an old TV show that I am old enough to know of but not really know about. It seemed fitting, this picture is from the Interwebs and belongs to the show. I guess.

*Stands up, clears throat* Hi, my name s Simon. I am a 35-year-old father of two and sometimes I would rather play Xbox than Polly Pocket or watch a show about pawn shops instead of giving them baths. *All together now* “HI SIMON” 

Horrible huh? I mean moms on Facebook are re-purposing tiny mason jars into sippy cups and spending 6 hours making rainbow cup cakes for their kid with two last name’s preschool class. Dads are coaching multiple sports teams and all work for companies that are happy to give them half the day off to go to their first grader’s Christmas party to stand around like overgrown wall flowers and watch their kids eat said cupcake. Babies are learning sign language and how to read and the other day I met a 5-year-old that knew what quinoa was.

The over-achieving appears to be at its zenith and it seems that all of the parents around me went to orientation or got the syllabus ahead of time and have a way better clue as to what they are doing.  I mean I hate to break it to you but some mornings I wake up and it takes me a few minutes to remember I’m not 15 and I am in charge of TWO HUMAN BEINGS.

Don’t worry though, the whole grown up secret is safe with me. While I may not fool other parents, my kids think I’ve got all the answers just like we thought about our parents when we were kids. One day I will be able to hand down this tradition of the human condition to my daughters and the cycle will continue.

“Wow Simon, that was quite the little rant, you must hate being a parent.”

Nope. Being a parent is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me and guess what? It’s my favorite. I love my kids with all of my heart and I even think that sometimes I am a pretty good dad, maybe even most of the time.

I also know that it isn’t always easy and when you add being a parent to being a spouse, being a sibling, being an employee, being a son or daughter, and being an adult, sometimes you can forget what it feels like to be you.

The good news is, I think there is room to be all those things, be good at them, and still be you. I also think that if you can remember who you were when you were 15 and not be afraid to let it shine through in your other roles, it will make you better at them and the days more fun along the way.

I’m not going to lose who I am in an effort to be the best parent I can be. I’m going to share who I am with my kids and figure things out one day at a time. It may not always wind up looking like a photo on Pinterest but as long as I can keep them healthy, happy, learning, and laughing I think we will figure this thing out.

I hope to share some light-hearted stories and observations from a dad’s point of view of what it can be like raising the generation that doesn’t know what the roll down window gesture means and can’t drive to the grocery store without wanting to watch a movie.

I love them with all I’ve got even when they make me miss video games. As long as we have a fun-loving disposition, plenty of juice, and extra band-aids I think we will do just fine even when we do eat the occasional gluten and still aren’t positive that quinoa isn’t a city in Canada.


About Simon

I am a husband and a dad of two little girls. I am a lone Y chromosome and am already planning my escape strategy to deal with the estrogen flood that is on its way. People say there is a lot of joy to be found in the simple things and I have found they can provide a healthy dose of anti-awesome as well. I am, in general, a pretty optimistic guy and needed a bit of a creative outlet; so here it is. Thanks for stopping by. View all posts by Simon

17 responses to “72 Band-Aids and Plenty of Apple Juice

  • Charlotte

    Brilliant, just brilliant – this is the point of view that we don’t get to hear enough (one I share and often feel lonely as a Mum having even though I know all the fellas are standing there thinking it, they never SAY!!). Awesome honesty and know you are not alone – when our daughter first had eye surgery people kept asking us where we got her glasses as they’d thought about getting them for their kids (coz they aren’t real right?) aughghgh! Looking forward to following you through your blog journey and keep up the honesty there are many more out there who need to know.

  • Tiffany

    Nailed it once again. Love the post, and love you more. Well done babe~

  • lauriebest

    I wondered where you were…now you’re back in full stride. Great post. I’m pleased, as a Canadian, to know you realize quinoa isn’t a city in Canada! Your attitude is great — more important to spend time and love the rug rats rather than being tutor-in-chief 24/7. Just enjoy….

    • Simon

      Thanks Laurie, I really appreciate that. I think it is easy to get caught up in with the whole worry of if you are doing it right. At the end of the day, humans have been raising other humans since it all began and we haven’t extinguished our race yet. Sometimes you just have to remember it will all be fine.

  • Andrew

    I was at the local Mexican cantina recently, and saw a baby in a high chair doing sign language. I don’t know sign language. I’m not a dad, but I could relate. Great post!

    • Simon

      I am adding “learn sign language for queso in case of possible pterodactyl / larynx injury that could render me speechless to my to-do list.

  • silkpurseproductions

    Simon, sooooooo glad to read you again. I actually looked for you on twitter a couple of times but it seems you weren’t there either.
    When it comes to parenting I am no expert. I alway think if you are a better father than Frank (the William H. Macy Character on “Shameless”) then you’ve got it made.
    Welcome back.

    • Simon

      Thank you! It is always nice to set the bar as low as possible in order to make my paltry leaps over it seem even larger than they are. Thanks for reading.

  • unfetteredbs

    I’m with Maggie. Happy to see you back!

  • pouringmyartout

    That whole over achieving Mary Poppins/Martha Stewart thing is not as common as you might think. Remember, for every one of those people, there are about 200 dads living in a trailer park who aren’t surprised when the cops show up at two in the morning.

  • chlost

    You’re right! They won’t know the signal for”roll down the window”! *Sigh!* When my kids were little, they loved band aids. They would have used a whole box on one little bump. We finally had to institute the rule “No blood, no band-aid”. Saved them for the big stuff. But now I have about 4 boxes of band-aids and no owies. It happens before you realize it. Great stuff here.

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