I bet the best parts of writing a book are finishing it and deciding on the title. The problem with finishing it is that it takes a bunch of work. Deciding on a title doesn’t take near the time commitment or talent that writing a whole book takes. I don’t know if I will ever actually write a book but these are some of my title ideas of I ever get off the schnide and make it happen.
- Waiting in the Car While My Wife Runs Into the Store and Other Ways Parenthood has Increased My Carbon Footprint
- 72 Band-aids and Plenty of Apple Juice, A Parent Survival Kit
- Parenting With Fruit Snacks (Little Bags of Shut the Hell Up)
- Honey, the Kids are Finally Asleep, We can Finally Break Out the Good Snacks
- Toddlers with Sharpies and Other Reasons I Should Have Become a Hostage Negotiator
- Told My Kid to Shut Their Cry Hole and Other Reasons I May Not Get That Parent of the Year Trophy
- Not Letting Them Put Princess High Heels on the Dog and 2,346 Other Ways I Ruin My Kid’s Lives
- 37th Time Is A Charm: Tips On Putting Your Toddler To Bed and Other Parenting Pearls of Wisdom
- Cutting The Dog’s Hair is Never an Accident, Our Children Are Liars
I love my kids and I love being a dad; choosing to laugh instead of cry at some of the ways parenthood challenges you has been a good decision for me. If any real life writers out there need a poorly thought out title that is likely a run-on sentence hit me up.
I hope everyone has had a good summer and I appreciate folks still stopping by to read even when it has been ages since I have written anything. I have done a few cool things though this summer and wanted to share one of them. Watch all the way to the end to see the big pay off, definitely sweet.
Simon C. Holland 
February 22nd, 2014 at 9:55 am
I don’t even know how I got here, but I’m glad I did! This was awesome. The “ways I ruin my kids’ lives” one reminds me of that “reasons my son is crying” blog. Hilarious.
-Crude
crudeandcrass.com
February 22nd, 2014 at 11:16 am
Thanks Crude, glad you stopped by.
February 3rd, 2014 at 6:20 pm
I loved the cry hole! But, our kids are truly lie, a lot, about everything, for no reason! They just lie to lie!
January 7th, 2014 at 8:03 pm
These titles are so funny! I don’t plan on having kids but based on some of these titles I bet you could laugh all day reading the stories that would follow!
January 10th, 2014 at 7:16 am
Thanks man!
September 24th, 2013 at 10:19 pm
I hope you do come back to write as I just found your blog. Great stuff!
September 24th, 2013 at 10:44 pm
Thanks so much!
September 24th, 2013 at 2:45 pm
I always love reading your stuff, Simon. Unrequested Editor’s Note: maybe you could shorten the last title to simply
“Children Are Liars”
It just has such a transparent soulful tone.
=)
September 26th, 2013 at 1:10 pm
they so are liars and that is simple and poetic. Hope you are well, I really liked your latest.
September 14th, 2013 at 12:31 pm
Love the post ! Especially love the title of “37th time’s a charm…”; As a matter of fact, just succeeded putting my 17 month old to sleep (fingers crossed)! Great blog !
September 23rd, 2013 at 9:28 pm
Thanks so much and congrats on getting the little one down haha.
September 11th, 2013 at 11:44 am
Very funny.
September 3rd, 2013 at 4:51 pm
This is why I hold onto the email notifications because eventually I will get to smile like this! What a good dad and darling girls, pretty dog and SMART wife!!!
September 4th, 2013 at 4:33 pm
You rock, thanks for reading and watching and stuff.
August 31st, 2013 at 12:32 am
u r 1 phunnee dood.
August 30th, 2013 at 5:08 pm
I think I have to root for “Toddlers with Sharpies…” Hilarious. This is a book I want to read. For the record, I feel your pain. I’m trying to finish up an edit on my book – one that multiple editors and agents requested – and I end every day wanting to pull my eyebrows out, one hair at a time. It’s killing me, but it must be done. I must finish this edit. I must stop reading/writing blogs and procrastinating. Speaking of which, where are you on Twitter. I’ve returned, you’re not there, and it’s pissing me off. 😉 Best of luck with the book. Let me know when you’re ready for a cheerleader.
September 9th, 2013 at 7:33 am
Please let me know when your book is ready so I can cheer it on! Twitter had become like a black hole of my time and I had to put it down, I may wander back eventually. Thanks for reading!
August 26th, 2013 at 8:18 am
That was fun! I keep watching it because everyone’s expression is priceless. This is the perfect summer activity.
August 23rd, 2013 at 11:31 pm
loved the cry hole comment
August 23rd, 2013 at 2:19 pm
Loved it!!!
August 23rd, 2013 at 12:53 pm
Cute. I needed a laugh.
Sent from my iPhone
August 23rd, 2013 at 8:07 am
Loved the video. super cute kids 🙂 🙂
September 23rd, 2013 at 9:29 pm
Thanks so much
August 22nd, 2013 at 6:57 pm
My boys and I will be doing that watermelon thing. SOON. Great titles, too. I would read all of them 🙂
August 22nd, 2013 at 8:43 pm
The watermelon thing was so awesome. I highly recommend it. Thanks so much for reading!
August 22nd, 2013 at 2:20 pm
Love the video! Too funny 🙂
August 22nd, 2013 at 1:32 pm
I love the dog’s cameo. Looks like it was an awesome summer. Welcome back. 🙂
August 22nd, 2013 at 1:52 pm
Lucy (the dog) jumped in at the perfect time. Thanks for stopping by!