Sweet
Kid Style 
I’m not sure if it happened all of the time or only a few times but the memories of it were etched deep enough that they are easy to recall. When I was a kid we would sometimes go to the Dairy Queen on Canton Road on Friday night. We would sit on the patio with these round fiberglass tables with red and yellow fiberglass umbrellas that were angled just enough to keep the sun away and look like they were tipping their hat to the cars driving by. Dad always called it getting a Brazier burger and I didn’t even know that was named after the cooking apparatus until I Googled it just now. I would get a chili dog and there the four of us would sit like some John Cougar Mellencamp song.
When we finished dinner the sun was down and dad would buy everyone a milkshake to have on the ride home. Usually chocolate for me, in a bright yellow paper cup. Thick and delicious in a way that made the pain between your eyes as you tried to suck through the straw totally worth it. We would get home and it would be time for bed. Half eaten milkshakes were put in the freezer for safe keeping.
Until I hit the teenage sloth years, I was often the first one up on Saturday morning. I would walk into the kitchen and get my now frozen solid milkshake and a fork. I would turn on the TV and relish in controlling its destiny. I would watch Super Friends and Pee Wee’s Playhouse and scrape the frozen bits of milkshake off with a fork until it melted enough to pull the straw free.
At the time I thought I was getting away with the most diabolical act of breakfast treason ever and smiled in the assurance that my unknowing parents were fast asleep right down the hall. As the roles have changed, I now know better than thinking that they were ignorant to my scheming tucked away in blissful slumber. They were awake, maybe groggy, but letting a little boy savor his first tastes of independence. I will never forget that frozen leftover milkshake with Saturday morning cartoons. Totally sweet.
Weak
Parent Style 
After a long week, the fatigue can often culminate on Friday night. Yet, still determined to have some kind of life, it is inevitable that we will stay up later than usual even if it is just to have a beer or two and watch an old episode of Friday Night Lights on Netflix while folding laundry. We are wild and crazy like that, I think the kids these days call it thug life.
We stay up later because we still live under the guise that just because we won’t be rushing off to work the next morning, that there will be time for rest and relaxation. The reality of that is parenthood does not come with a snooze button. Saturday mornings never arrive late, and often seem to smack me right in the face before the sun is even up or my eyes have had the chance to peal open. Dropped toilet seats by the oldest begat cries from the toddler begat the realization that we have to be at some dumb kid’s birthday party in two hours and there is more to do than time to do it in. It is funny how the cherry on top of that Saturday morning scramble is always writing something in said dumb kid’s card, even though a card is merely the gallbladder of a 6 year old birthday party.
Saturday mornings have a different feel now but if my oldest follows in my footsteps as an early riser, as long as she is quiet, she can eat whatever she can reach and clean up. It would also be in her best interest to hide the evidence if she ops for ice cream sandwiches and fruit roll ups. I can wax poetic about letting her spread her wings and have a touch of freedom but the reality is, pop should have probably passed on that last Amstel Light and just needs a few more dad gum minutes to sleep. She has almost completed the complicated TV remote training so I think the time is drawing near. Until then, we will remember the days of yore and hope those memories ease the pain of our new Saturday mornings that are totally weak.
Simon C. Holland 
September 12th, 2012 at 11:58 pm
I love this post. My kids are in their sloth years. They sleep half the day away when they’re off, so I miss nothing. Nothing at all. It’s great.
September 3rd, 2012 at 4:47 pm
Sorry I haven’t been around much lately, but my book, The Bellman Chronicles, will be FREE to download on Sept. 10 – 11! Check it out on my Amazon Kindle page.. You won’t be disappointed. And if you can slip me a review, I’d be forever grateful…
August 30th, 2012 at 4:14 pm
Great minds think alike! I just wrote a post last week about the Saturday mornings of yore (including the cartoons like Super Friends)…not the same now! I bet we were both thinking of it since school is starting back up. Saturday mornings in the summertime didn’t feel the same as our Saturday morning unwind time during the school year. Good times!
August 30th, 2012 at 4:16 pm
Awesome, I have been a bit absent lately but need to head over and read. I love your stuff.
August 30th, 2012 at 1:53 pm
Breakfast treason is the best kind of treason. I still feel like I am getting away with something when I drink chocolate milk and eat girl scout cookies for breakfast!
August 31st, 2012 at 8:24 am
Isn’t it the best?
August 30th, 2012 at 11:45 am
Terrific post! We are well into the “go on downstairs and do/eat whatever you want, as long as you let us sleep for a few more minutes” phase, and it’s a wonderful thing. 🙂
August 31st, 2012 at 8:26 am
Thanks so much! That will be nice when it gets here.
August 30th, 2012 at 3:29 am
Loved the Saturday morning post but it left me wanting more. I was expecting more anecdotes and nostalgia about which toons you watched etc… and it was more a wonderfully painted Rockwell about your friday nights at DQ. You should add more! Make it longer! 🙂
August 31st, 2012 at 8:28 am
I don’t know if there is a greater compliment than someone asking for more. I truly appreciate that. I may expand on this.
August 30th, 2012 at 12:02 am
“…even though a card is merely the gallbladder of a 6 year old birthday party.” I know I will not be the only one kneeling down in awe of this line.
August 31st, 2012 at 8:30 am
Julie, you are the best. Maybe that is our t-shirt idea. Thanks so much for reading.
August 29th, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Those are the kid Saturday’s that I remember too! Hours of Looney Tunes and a big bowl of sugary cereal, for me. 🙂 Your folks had the right idea with the milkshake though.
August 31st, 2012 at 8:32 am
The sugary the better! Thanks for reading!
August 29th, 2012 at 2:33 pm
You’re a parent..sleeping is not what you’re allowed to do. Even when they grow up, they’ve reset your body clock so you continue to wake early — even when they’re long gone. Toothpicks sometimes work to prop open your eyes…
August 31st, 2012 at 8:49 am
So I guess I better get used to it 🙂
August 29th, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Simon,
Great to see you back. You’ve missed out on many of my important and life-altering posts while you’ve been away. I’ll make sure to email each of them to you in case you’re having trouble sleeping and need something to knock you out.
=)
Stacie
August 29th, 2012 at 5:27 pm
I saw you are famous and plagiarized now. Btw really loved the letter. Also, isn’t going to your blog to talk about mine my move? An Aries thing?
August 29th, 2012 at 5:51 pm
Good point. You are much smarter than the average Aries, Simon, and cunning too. Come by and talk any time. I always love seeing you, although now that I’ve been punk’d, I’m a little wary. =)
August 29th, 2012 at 5:53 pm
I kid, you are welcome here anytime to talk about anything you like because, favorite.
August 29th, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Are you saying I’m your favorite? If so, please don’t tell Cristy. She’ll be crushed. =p
August 29th, 2012 at 6:07 pm
Well my affection is plentiful enough to dole out to many but my ego is interested in it being vied for.
August 29th, 2012 at 12:48 pm
“the teenage sloth years”—You nailed that one just right. I have a walking neanderthalic sloth in my home.
August 29th, 2012 at 12:56 pm
I both fear and miss those days. I wonder what it would feel like to sleep in till noon again?
August 29th, 2012 at 1:16 pm
I think I’d feel way too guilty to try.
August 29th, 2012 at 12:35 pm
You are so sweet. I always got a butterscotch dip cone at DQ. Life rocks once kids can make their own cereal!
August 29th, 2012 at 12:41 pm
dipped cones were awesome but i could never keep them from dripping down my elbows
August 29th, 2012 at 12:22 pm
complicated remote control training, YES. i have no idea how we are going to teach finn how to use that thing. maybe i just set all tvs to disney junior and he just pushes the on button on the tv manually?
August 29th, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Its a great idea and waking up to Jake and the Never land Pirates wouldn’t be so bad. It really is the only thing holding us back.