Tag Archives: pain

May 7, 2012

Taking Off The Wedding Ring

By Simon

Sweet

One More Please 

I just want one more.  I know it isn’t really possible now with all of the real life grown up stuff that I have gotten myself into but just one more time I would love to have that last day of school.

My daughter finishes kindergarten in a couple of weeks and my wife says goodbye to another group of third graders.  They are in full crescendo mode as mountains of paperwork are plowed through and teacher appreciation gifts are given and received.  They have their heads down in the trenches right now but they know it is looming.  That glorious day on the horizon when they finally get to exhale and and feel the weight be lifted away.

Do you remember the unadulterated joy of the last day of school?  Responsibility seems to evaporate into the hot summer sun and your mind is flooded with possibilities.  This will be my daughter’s fist last day and I will remember to encourage her to cherish them for the next few years.  One day she will be grown up and her concerns in June will go far beyond the watermelon juice dripping off her elbows and the swimsuit hanging on the shower rod still damp from the day before.

It is hard for me to imagine having every shred of responsibility suddenly stripped away and replaced with an entire summer of vacation.  The last day of school is the epitome of childhood.  I may not have any left but it is one area that I fully intend to live vicariously through my kids.  Just remembering getting off that bus for the last time and bounding down the driveway without a care in the world makes me smile.

The last day of school is totally sweet.

Weak

This was right after the carnage occurred.

So last week I read some blogs with clever hooks in the title, and being the unoriginal opportunist that I am, I decided to follow suit.  Last night I took off my wedding ring because my hand was so swollen it was starting to cut off the circulation.  You see, I got stung by a wasp yesterday and apparently I am a wee bit allergic.  In fact, I now have a right hand and a left paw.

I can wax poetic about all of the joys that summer brings but sometimes all of that awesome has a stinger.  You can rest assured that while the wasp won the battle, I won the war but still, this thing hurts like a mother.  Which (thanks to my smarter than your average kindergartner) is exactly what that wasp was.  Did you know that only female wasps have stingers?  Neither did I until I was enlightened by my 5 year old.  I will let you insert your own male female joke here as to not offend my core readership.   Did you know it is kinda hard to type with one paw?  I guess Summer would be too easy though if there weren’t at least a few obstacles to traverse so bee stings, bug bites, sunburns, and alcohol poisoning are just a few of the  “weaks” that we will try to avoid.  Did he just say alcohol poisoning?  Yes, margarita filled patios can come with a price.

As we usher in summer and stock up on the SPF 1million and the chemical free bug spray hoping our soft pasty indoorsy selves don’t get bit by mother nature, beware of stingers because getting stung is totally weak.

**Maybe once the swelling comes down I will actually have something funny to write about, it seems that wasp venom has had an adverse reaction to my sense of humor as well.**

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March 12, 2012

Some People Don’t Have to Search for Their Inner Child

By Simon

Sweet

via wookieepedia

Being a Kid at any Age

I will be 34 years old later this month.  Perception of that age lies solely in the beholder as I am still a spring chicken to many and old man river to others.  I don’t have any issue with getting older and have been sporting that distinguished salt and pepper look for close to a decade now.  One of the reasons I don’t worry about getting older is because by now I have realized that there is a part of me that remains a perpetual child.  I do my fair share of grownup stuff like pay bills and taxes and schedule parent teacher conferences but even in a deep-sea of responsibility I cannot escape certain Peter Pan type tendencies.  I don’t do these things as a concerted effort to “stay young at heart” but I know that they probably help.  Here are some of the ways my inner child escapes no matter how old I get.

  • If I stop at the grocery store on my way home from work I still get the kid cart with the race car because, hello? race car!
  • Though not often down south, if I am ever driving and it starts to snow, I pretend I am taking the Millennium Falcon into hyper-space.
  • The only downside to two daughters is toy shopping, that’s OK though, I bought a suction cup dart blow gun last week that is suuweet!
  • BOO! If given the chance, I will always lurk in the shadows so I can scare you when you walk in.  Then you will slightly pee yourself and I will crack up.
  • Race Ya.  To the mailbox, folding laundry, cleaning up toys, I am always up for a good race.
  • Chasing the ice cream truck.  This is way less embarrassing now that I have kids with me but one day I will be frantically searching for loose change in my room at the home when I hear that thing rolling up the street.
  • Licking the spoon. (no explanation needed)

I could go on and on because to be honest I still probably do more kid things than grown up things but I will start the list with these and let you add your tips on staying young and feeding your inner kiddo.  I once had a dream I was licking frosting off of the mixing spoon when I heard the ice cream truck coming down the street, I looked at my wife and she said “race ya” and it was totally sweet.

How do you keep from growing up?

 

Weak

I didn’t Know That was There Until it Hurt So Bad 

via someecards

Man, I am getting old.  I know this because after working in the yard all day yesterday it hurts to type.  Yeah you read that right, my hands are sore.  As much as I may be a perpetual kid inside, there is no mistaking the fact that the new car smell has worn off and some of the features of this thing don’t work like they used to.  I often joke about the 20-year-old me shaking his head in disappointment if he heard some of the things I say or think today.  For example, I now place real value on something called a good night’s sleep.  There is no escaping it, somewhere inside of me is a cardigan sweater, the faint smell of Ben Gay and the desire to cut out things from the newspaper.  I hold that person at bay the best I can but here are some of the things that remind me that I am no spring chicken any more.

  • When people come over I want them to take off their shoes and stand on our new memory foam bath mats.
  • I researched toothbrushes online and read reviews.
  • I know better than eating too many cucumbers.  Ever get indigestion when you were 22?  didn’t think so.
  •  I know that if I took acetaminophen 3 hours ago and my back still hurts, it is OK to take ibuprofen now.
  • I know the names of different kinds of medicine.
  • Food guilt. (Like standing over the sink inhaling leftovers at 11:45 at night and not being able to look in the mirror later.)
  • WebMD isn’t just for finding gross pictures anymore.
  • I walk down the cereal aisle and think “it can’t taste that different and 43 cents can really add up.”
  • Having a birthday coming up makes me think about getting older instead of hoping I get a 4 wheeler.

Sadly, I can probably fill this list out faster than the first one.  What are some things that remind you that you are getting older?  Realizing it would probably be a good idea to invest in a pair of work gloves is totally weak.

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